How to tell if you are a troll... - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: Aug 12, 2004

How to tell if you are a troll...

Date: Aug 12, 2004

LOL, but Andrea, look how you spelled "psychology"! I am so hurt!

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
3) Spelling was never your strong suit.

Good one, truth! I especially like the end.

However, I do have a question:

What does spelling have to do with it?

Like most people, I make the occasional spelling error. Usually by pure accident. Sometimes by missing something in the proofreading before hitting the submit button. Does that make me a troll?

Please, say it isn't so!!!

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: I like social psych!
"LOL, but Andrea, look how you spelled "psychology"! I am so hurt!"

Yep, live by the pen, die by the pen. Sorry about that!

Date: Aug 12, 2004

You are hereby absolved of any troll-like characteristics.

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Not a Troll
" Good one, truth! I especially like the end. However, I do have a question: What does spelling have to do with it? Like most people, I make the occasional spelling error. Usually by pure accident. Sometimes by missing something in the proofreading before hitting the submit button. Does that make me a troll? Please, say it isn't so!!!"

And, as you see above, so do I. It's one thing to make spelling errors, but it's quite another to have a post riddled with both grammar and spelling errors. Longtime board members know what I'm talking about. Most folks who do this are either trolls or have imbibed too much "demon rum" (as LVN calls it). It's not proof-positive, but it's a definite tip-off.

Date: Aug 12, 2004

The Wikipedia has an interesting definition of 'troll', as does the Jargon Dictionary. Perhaps we need a Troll-O-Meter around here -- instead of responding to a troll, we might post scores.

Is anyone up to a Troll-of-the-Week award? We could send the lucky winner a crock, the appropriate container for their

(And yes, these links are safe, except that somewhere on those servers your IP address is logged in a gigantic file that requires expensive software to analyze properly.)

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Invictus
"The Wikipedia has an interesting definition of 'troll', as does the Jargon Dictionary. Perhaps we need a Troll-O-Meter around here -- instead of responding to a troll, we might post scores. Is anyone up to a Troll-of-the-Week award? We could send the lucky winner a crock, the appropriate container for their (And yes, these links are safe, except that somewhere on those servers your IP address is logged in a gigantic file that requires expensive software to analyze properly.) "

I like the Troll-O-Meter idea...though it might just give trolls more incentive to post and win!

Date: Aug 12, 2004

I've been giving lots of thought to trolls lately. Well, maybe not trolls that are simply being obnoxious and provocative, but the people that post here and write to the papers about "those lazy professors." There were several threads on FireShelby about how to educate the general public about what professors do, and there have been numerous attempts on this board as well. (I've done it, for example, describing how I haven't had a vacation in four years that didn't involve research.) Recently there was a very long, exasperated post on this topic with which I (like many of you I'm sure) sympathized.

But I have come to the conclusion that the people who are writing all those negative things about professors don't really want to hear about what we do and how hard we work, or to revise their opinions of us. What they really want to do is continute hate us. This is a painful realization for me. I don't think I've ever experienced this level of out and out, blatant hatred. And mostly, I continue to be confused. What have I done to the people of Mississippi except try to educate their children to the best of my ability? Why am I such a threat? What is so at risk for them that they must revile me? Obviously I am "other" to them--does this mean that the educated are the "other?" Is this actually about class, not education? Stephen Judd pointed out that the faculty at USM don't typically come from upper-class backgrounds (but it seems we are perceived this way). And most importantly, what ever happened to the notion that education is good for you and makes your life better?

Date: Aug 12, 2004

According to this source the Troll-O-Meter is manufactured by Simpson Instruments of Elgin, Illinois. Output looks like the following trace that was taken from one of Opie's posts earlier today. (I hope the formatting works, as usual.)

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
| | | | | | | | | | |
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+
XX

Date: Aug 12, 2004

Curses! Foiled again! Just check the link I provided. A sample output is there. Evidently, the Troll-O-Meter is a modified BogoMeter, which measures the bogosity of a statement or situation...

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
"And, as you see above, so do I. It's one thing to make spelling errors, but it's quite another to have a post riddled with both grammar and spelling errors. Longtime board members know what I'm talking about. Most folks who do this are either trolls or have imbibed too much "demon rum" (as LVN calls it). It's not proof-positive, but it's a definite tip-off."

Thakns fro tha clarifica . . . classifi... exeplenation?/. <<<(Note gratuitous grammer errors.)

(HIC!) <<< (Demon Rum Hiccup.)

Ass I's is a logntiem bored meemb . . .mermb... writter, I's is gald to no waht is goode written and waht is badde written, a'cause I's SHORE don't wan't to be callde no TROLLE?!!?

Thakns againe!!

(BURP!!) <<<(Demon Rum Burp.)

(Please note the huge sarcasm chip on my shoulder as I write this, with my tongue firmly in my cheek.)

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Not-a-Troll
" Thakns fro tha clarifica . . . classifi... exeplenation?/. <<<(Note gratuitous grammer errors.) (HIC!) <<< (Demon Rum Hiccup.) Ass I's is a logntiem bored meemb . . .mermb... writter, I's is gald to no waht is goode written and waht is badde written, a'cause I's SHORE don't wan't to be callde no TROLLE?!!? Thakns againe!! (BURP!!) <<<(Demon Rum Burp.) (Please note the huge sarcasm chip on my shoulder as I write this, with my tongue firmly in my cheek.)"

Beautiful, NaT. Just beautiful! We need more humor on this board today!

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
"Beautiful, NaT. Just beautiful! We need more humor on this board today! "

Mye plaesu . . . plseau... I's; haapy to, turth!

(HIC!)

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Not-a-Troll
"
Mye plaesu . . . plseau... I's; haapy to, turth!
(HIC!)"

You left the "e" out of "turth."

Date: Aug 12, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Invictus
" You left the "e" out of "turth.""

That's right...you don't want to be considered an "idot!"

(see, we do have trolls to thank for that one!)

Date: Aug 13, 2004

Another way to tell if you are a troll: When you leave the bank, the tellers start spraying Lysol.

Hygiene -- it's more than a greeting.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
"You might be a troll if...
1) Your computer keyboard has a stuck CAPS LOCK key (hence, wanton capitalization)
2) To overcompensate for a small...er....mind, you use a REALLY BIG font size.
3) Spelling was never your strong suit
4) You have to create "board friends" (i.e. multiple personalities) since no one else will play with you.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, please get thee to the nearest academician who will promptly diagnose you and give you a good course in pyschology, ethics, and/or grammar (depending on your specific type of trollism).
"

Another way to tell is to have a moderator that constantly scans IPs and reports private information to her friends through email.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
"You might be a troll if...
4) You have to create "board friends" (i.e. multiple personalities)
"

You have never done this?

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: psizxxi
" Another way to tell is to have a moderator that constantly scans IPs and reports private information to her friends through email."

And yet another troll! When one troll crawls out of that smelly cave, others follow.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: psizxxi
" Another way to tell is to have a moderator that constantly scans IPs and reports private information to her friends through email."

That's my job. Nothing private about it.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Sonny
"And yet another troll! When one troll crawls out of that smelly cave, others follow."

I recommend

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Web Master
"That's my job. Nothing private about it."

It is definitely not private, and anybody posting here should know better. However, it is, I believe, a serious problem. Over the last two weeks I have received several email from people who have been studying this bulletin board for at least half a year. One of them has even had email communication with you. They have been testing you. I am disgusted that you have resorted to some of the very tactics that you have harangued Thames for.

Your tactics have improved over the last few weeks, obviously because they informed you what they were doing, but I will always be disgusted about some of the dishonest measures taken by you through this bulletin board.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

OP:

What are you still doing here? I thought you were tightening your scarf and yelling at your ground crew to let you fly up here and dive-serve me a subpoena.

(Not too tight on the scarf, ya hear!)

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Online Prof
" It is definitely not private, and anybody posting here should know better. However, it is, I believe, a serious problem. Over the last two weeks I have received several email from people who have been studying this bulletin board for at least half a year. One of them has even had email communication with you. They have been testing you. I am disgusted that you have resorted to some of the very tactics that you have harangued Thames for. Your tactics have improved over the last few weeks, obviously because they informed you what they were doing, but I will always be disgusted about some of the dishonest measures taken by you through this bulletin board."

This bulletin board has only been in existence since May 1, so your "friends" must have spent most of their time staring into blank space. Quit talking to yourself, Opie. And since we are not university presidents with the power to "harangue" in the manner that you suggest, I would advise you to find another non-issue to champion.

PS--Weren't you supposed to be leaving this board for greener pastures? If we are so awful and you are so disgusted with us, then why are you still here?

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Online Prof
" It is definitely not private, and anybody posting here should know better. However, it is, I believe, a serious problem. Over the last two weeks I have received several email from people who have been studying this bulletin board for at least half a year. One of them has even had email communication with you. They have been testing you. I am disgusted that you have resorted to some of the very tactics that you have harangued Thames for. Your tactics have improved over the last few weeks, obviously because they informed you what they were doing, but I will always be disgusted about some of the dishonest measures taken by you through this bulletin board."

by Not-A-Troll

We will now grade this troll's missive using the Troll-O-Meter specifications as provided by Invictus (and enhanced by truth4usm/AH) on another thread:

Artistic Merit = 0 (Did you precieve any sense of artistic value here? My soul was not moved)

Egregious Grammer = 0 (No terrible grammatical errors noted.)

Wanton Capitalization = 0 (No major capitalization mistakes noted.)

Use of Emoticons = 0 (No emoticon use was detected.)

Intelligence = -5 (For continuing to beat a dead horse to death.)

Overall Troll-O-Meter Score = -5 (Out of 50 possible points)

This translates into a -10% for you mathematical troll's who may be reading this. We would recommend that Online Prof immediately contact Gnome Facts so that he can obtain a copy of the latest Troll Posting Guidelines Manual (edited by the Dome Gnome, with a foreward by Darth Mader) in order to brush up on his posting skills.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

But where does "bigger font" factor in to your Troll-O-Meter? There was definitely an infraction there.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: truth4usm/AH
"But where does "bigger font" factor in to your Troll-O-Meter? There was definitely an infraction there."

Thank you, truth, for pointing out this obvious oversite. We will recalibrate the Troll-O-Meter to take this factor into consideration, and all future evaluations will include this catagory!

Keep those suggestions comming!

Date: Aug 13, 2004

...But I have come to the conclusion that the people who are writing all those negative things about professors don't really want to hear about what we do and how hard we work, or to revise their opinions of us. What they really want to do is continute hate us. This is a painful realization for me. I don't think I've ever experienced this level of out and out, blatant hatred. And mostly, I continue to be confused. What have I done to the people of Mississippi except try to educate their children to the best of my ability? Why am I such a threat? What is so at risk for them that they must revile me? Obviously I am "other" to them--does this mean that the educated are the "other?" Is this actually about class, not education? Stephen Judd pointed out that the faculty at USM don't typically come from upper-class backgrounds (but it seems we are perceived this way)...

University faculty status affords relatively well-paid, relatively autonomous and satisfying, and relatively secure work in a generally pleasant environment. The majority of Mississippians (Americans) work in jobs that are poorly paid, unfulfilling, and insecure. Joe and Jane Citizen don't "hate" faculty as much as they envy them and covet their superior working conditions.

Date: Aug 13, 2004

I would like at this point to refer everyone to my recent analysis camparing a BA-level government employee to an up-for-tenure or just-tenured faculty member.

Sure, we have a lot of freedom and work in relative comfort for a good wage. That seems to evoke the envy and enmity of outsiders. But, what the outsiders often fail to understand is that we took a lot of risk, made huge investments, and busted our tails to get here.

Were we lucky? Sure, some. But a doctorate and a faculty position represent the interaction of innate ability, luck AND LOTS OF PLAIN OLD WORK INVESTED FOR A RISKY OUTCOME.