We, a group of academics of the Navajo tradition, have developed a unique software package now available for individual purchase or site license.  A group of Navajo academics --- Academic Wind Talkers, Inc. --- covering the areas of psychology, criminology, communications, management, chaos science, etc., are pleased to introduce our new "What He's Thinking" software module (for Windows XP).  The program uses the latest scientific breakthroughs in facial expression recognition, forensic science, computer engineering, chaos theory, polygraphing, word usage, etc. to decipher what the author of a text was actually thinking about as he/she composed the document.  We are pleased to offer a sample of our abilities by "analyzing" your latest President's Message.  Our analysis of certain passages is in boldface below...

A Message from the President

July 30, 2004

Dear Colleagues,

I can't believe August is here already. Quickly approaching are summer commencement ceremonies, new faculty orientation, and the start of the fall semester.

[I can't wait for fall to arrive.  I've got some new targets on the faculty I'm going after]

As most of you know, we  moved our summer commencement ceremonies to the Lynn Cartlidge Multi Purpose Center because of the renovations at Reed Green Coliseum. We made this sacrifice because we wanted to accommodate our area high school graduations this past spring. Because of those ceremonies, we delayed the renovations, which meant we could not hold our summer ceremony at the coliseum.

[I don't really care that much for our local one.  Should've called in another chip from Janeschools.  They just outmaneuvered me politically on this one.  Should've called Janet.]

I thank Gregg Pierce, Kristi Motter, Cynthia Moore, Bob Hopkins, Lucy Bowens, Jewel Tucker, Wynde Fitts, Kim Busche, Sheri Rawls, Cindy Sheffield, Sandra Carter, Donna Fielder, Shellie Hubbard, Jay Dean and Roger Jackson for their hard work to make the transition to the Multi Purpose Center as seamless as possible.

Last Friday, it was announced that Dr. Tim Hudson was the finalist for the position of president at the University of Houston -Victoria. This is great news for Dr. Hudson and certainly a compliment for The University of Southern Mississippi.

[I have to remember to get Polly to FedEx that anonymous packet on Tim to Victoria]

Having one of our own considered and selected for this prestigious position reinforces our belief that Southern Miss is a world-class university. It seems our reputation for nurturing and producing top-notch talent is making itself known. The word about Southern Miss is getting out. I am confident that Dr. Hudson will make a supremely capable president, and I hope you will join me in extending to him our best wishes.

[I hope Lisa's right, that people will actually believe this angle on it]

We will host an event to honor Dr. Hudson before he leaves Southern Miss on August 31 and will notify you of the time and date.

[I've got to remember to book my flight out to Lincoln for the game.  I don't want to be here for this sappyness] 

Next week, I will seek recommendations from our current deans and Faculty Senate president with respect to the appointment of an interim provost. Similarly, I will ask for recommendations from this same group on the composition of a search committee who will direct a national search to seek candidates for the provost position.

[Hopefully Elliott will step up on this one for me.  I'm sick and tired already of hearing the Faculty Senate's opinions of things that are none of their beezwax]

This is just a sampling.  The program is currently analyzing the rest of the letter.