C

Cabana, Don < 1. Associate Professor of Criminal Justice at USM, and former President of USM’s Faculty Senate (prior to its current President, Myron Henry); 2. famous for "30 pieces of silver" incident; 3. a recent Thames supporter, though as FS President, not completely so; 4. leaving USM in May of 2004 to become Superintendent of Parchman Prison.

Cade, Ruth A. < 1. former faculty member in COST; 2. stood for academic integrity in a battle against the Thames administration and lost, but may soon tell her story through legal channels (Neil McMillen); 3. one of the earliest Thames casualties.

Cain, Walt < 1. president of the Hub SGA; 2. after claiming the third side of the Thames administration’s controversies, Cain penned an e-mail to USM students on 5/10/2004 (the last day of Spring ‘04 classes) indicating that he sided with Thames in the campus controversies.

Cameron, Jim < 1. Producer of WDAM-TV news; 2. noticeably silent (relatively) on the USM crisis.

Campbell, Robert < 1. faculty member at Clemson University who has been very supportive of the anti-Thames cause since the firings of Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer; 2. very active on the geocities.com/fireshelby message board.

campus morale < 1. the state of spirits one finds in a university’s students, faculty and staff; 2. qualitative measure of the mood of a campus, that the institution’s president would usually measure by getting out into the "campus community"and listening to his/her constituents; 3. of course, Shelby Thames likes to use easier-to-gather quantitative surrogates, such as the number of grants and contracts won by a handful of the university’s faculty members and/or the number of student acceptances for the upcoming fall semester.

campus sign regulatons < 1. rules/policies governing placement of signs on campus property; 2. rules somehow now under the purview of Lisa Slay Mader and the USM Public Relations staff; 3. a living, breathing document that disallows anti-Thames placards placed by the hardworking CSUSM, but pardons "Students, think about what your professors have to gain by opposing President Thames" and "Students, what do you think the 2 fired professors are hiding?" signs that are printed and paid for by the Thames Underworld and placed across campus by Lisa Mader and her Hub SGA cronies (see also agent provacateur).

Capps, Dr. and Mrs. Charles J., III < 1. relatives (descendants) of the late Albert J. Jaeger, former Assistant Vice President of Business and Finance at USM (for 30 years, until 1985); 2. staunch advocates of Thames’ ouster, and say their father is likely "turning over in his grave" at what Shelby Thames is doing to USM.

Chain, Bobby < 1. former Hattiesburg mayor and IHL Board member from Hattiesburg, 2. once supported Shelby Thames’ administration, but has since turned in the other direction; 3. called the USM faculty’s 430-32 "no confidence in Thames" vote "breathtaking"; 4. stated that he isn’t sure now that USM can be a success; 5. has said the Thames administration has been a national black eye for USM, and that he hopes the Dome Gnome has had surveillance on e-mails he has sent to campus (adding he’ll be "mad as hell" if it’s true); 6. believes Thames’ e-mail surveillance smacked of Nazi Germany under Hitler (5/2/04).

Chambers, Douglas < 1. member of USM history department accused by Thames (at infamous press conference) of cancelling his classes to facilitate student protests; 2. had documentation of jury duty instead, and never received apology from Thames; 3. product of a national job search.

Chaze, Kim < 1. lawyer representing Melissa Whiting and other USM faculty in lawsuits against USM; 2. soon to be an even wealthier individual thanks to Thames.

Cheramie, Michael < 1. systems analyst at Hattiesburg-based Grayco Systems and Consulting, Inc.; 2. says that USM’s e-mail perverts were doing their duties/jobs.

The Chronicle of Higher Education < 1. the serial for academics worldwide; 2. recently ran a large photo of a picture of Shelby Thames wearing a Nazi uniform; 3. serial’s reporter Thomas Bartlett wrote a lengthy description of USM crisis in a March 2004 issue ("Move to Fire 2 Professors Roils Campus in Mississippi").

CISE < 1. Department of Curriculum, Instruction and Special Education at USM; 2. USM department chaired by Shelby Thames’ progeny Dana Thames; 3. many of department’s best/brightest are being shown the door (but are firing back with litigation), and department seems destined for future troubles.

The Clarion-Ledger < 1. unofficial state newspaper of MS; 2. employs reporter Riva Brown, who covers the Thames administration and current USM crisis; 3. other than Brown, has not impressed.

Clark, Cheryl < 1. Gary Stringer’s research assistant, now left without her major professor and her source of income (see my most prized possession); 2. worked with Donne Variorum.

Class of 2003 < 1. mass exodus or "graduation" of USM administrators (graduation=fired, forced out, fled their admin positions, etc.) during 2003 (and very early 2004); 2. graduating class includes David Anderson (VP for Facilities and Physical Plant), Jane Boudreaux (Dean CHHS), Marie Farrell (Dean, CN), Bill Gunther (Dean CBA), Terry Harper (Dean CLA), Jim Hollandsworth (Graduate School Dean), Susan Hollandsworth (Director of USM Capital Campaign), Robert Lochhead (Dean COST), Carl Martray (Dean EdPsych), Linda McFall (VP of Financial Affairs), Mark Miller (Dean CIE), Cheryl Mowdy (Director of Grants & Contracts), Mary Ann Stringer (Dean CA), Sam Thomas (Financial Affairs Controller), Homer Wesley (Assoc. VP for Student Affairs), Russ Willis (Director of Human Resources), and Jim Wyld (CFO, USM Foundation).

clean house < 1. statement that USM conspiracy theorists have been waiting for; 2. term used by Roy Klumb in a conversation with Dave Elliott (host of WLOX talk show, Sunday Night), in reference to what Shelby Thames was hired by the IHL Board to do at USM; 3. Elliott also reported (5/9/2004) that Shelby Thames admitted as much to him as well; 4. Myron Henry and Dennis Wiesenburg were dismayed to hear the term, but most USM (and South Mississippi) constituents have been waiting a long time for such an admission to be made public. Since it aired (5/10/04), spirits at USM have dampened even further (if that’s possible); 5. see also mother of all questions.

coaching carousel < 1. reference to Thames administration ploy of nudging coaches to leave USM; 2. is effected by not offering a contract renewal, usually at the point when a given coach has only 1 year remaining on his/her contract; 3. ploy seemingly successful with James Green (see babbs’ list) and Rick Reeves (see babbs’ list), and may be in operation currently (4/04) on head football coach Jeff Bower.

Coffman, Homer < 1. first-ever Chief Information Officer hired by USM (April, 2004); 2. placed in charge of iTech.

College of the Arts < 1. now-defunct College from USM’s history; 2. a rare find in the nation, and one of the most well-known in the South; 3. a pleasant memory during this whole mess.

College of Bidness and Economic Development < (a Thamesunciation; check it out at commencement) see College of Business and Economic Development (see also Krandall Howell).

College of Business and Economic Development < 1. USM College housing Shelby Thames’ favorite departments/people outside of COST; 2. College where Angeline Dvorak, Tim Hudson, Ken Malone, and Cynthia Moore are based; 3. College administered by Thames’ favorite USM Dean, Harold Doty.

Colonel Nat < 1. Nathan Bedford Forrest mascot that used to roam the M.M. Roberts sidelines decades ago; 2. the possibly soon-to-return USM mascot, given the political leanings of Shelby Thames’ staunchest supporters and external advisors (see Billy Hewes and R. Scott Farris; see alsoThames Underworld and agent provacateur).

Come to William Carey < reference to the seemingly huge increase in television advertising effort undertaken by William Carey College (private, Baptist college in Hattiesburg) since USM’s most recent crisis (i.e., Glamser and Stringer firings) began (i.e., Winter 2004).

Concerned faculty, staff, students, alumni and friends of USM < creators of the online petition voicing no confidence in Shelby Thames (see petitiononline.com/usmtruth/petition.html).

computer seizure < 1. term referring to (in normal use) occasion when a computer hard-drive locks-up, seizes, or stops working, and its operator must "Ctrl+Alt+Del" and start over; 2. at USM, reference to Thames authority policy of seizing faculty computers without notice and for any reason (see iTech).

continuous and contiguous < 1. phrase used during the Glamser-Stringer hearings by Shelby Thames to describe his view that Stringer’s Summer 2003 investigation of Angeline Dvorak was part of (continuous and contiguous to) the investigation of her done by the AAUP in the Winter of 2004, and therefore constituted an unethical and possible criminal act (Thames’ characterization) by Gary Stringer; 2. phrase used in/slipped into Glamser-Stringer hearings by Shelby Thames (see bootyologist) to impress the ladies in attendance, especially Jill Beneke and Cynthia Moore (Thames is such a playa; don’t hate the playa, hate the game!). [guest Glossary entry partially by hellgirl]

contumacious conduct < sex with secretary.

Cornett, Chad < 1. Hub SGA executive who recently admitted what we’ve all known for sometime: the SGA is a pawn of the administration; 2. claims Walt Cain’s first budget as Hub SGA President was far from intelligible.

Council of Chairs < 1. council consisting of chairs and directors of departments/schools at USM; 2. recommended to Shelby Thames that Frank Glamser be allowed to finish his teaching (shortly after his suspension) and voted to reject the President’s University Council plan/idea.

cronyism < 1. favoritism shown to close friends and companions without regard for their qualifications; 2. at USM (under Thames), it’s just our way of "helping people," after all that’s what "Southern Miss is all about" these days; [quote from Shelby Thames in April of 2004: "That’s what Southern Miss is all about — helping people."]

cross-training Provosts < job-training technique invented by Shelby Thames where the Gulf Coast Provost trains for the job there by serving as Provost on the Hattiesburg campus, and the Hattiesburg Provost trains for the job in Hattiesburg by serving as Provost at the Gulf Coast.

CSUSM < 1. Concerned Students of USM; 2. courageous student activists fighting to restore integrity to USM against a tyrannical administration and a sometime hostile business community; 3. current slogan for Thames: "Don’t go away mad, just go away."

Darth Mader < 1. one of Lisa Mader’s more popular nicknames (circulating around USM community); nickname for Thames spokesperson Lisa Slay Mader, referencing the evil-doer Darth Vader in the Star Wars movie sequence.

Denard, Deborah < 1. Hattiesburg city councilwoman; 2. recent supporter of Thames because she wants the 1% sales tax increase for USM athletic facilities to pass so she can syphon off some of the funds for improvements in her ward/district.

Department of Homeland Security < 1. part of the executive branch of the U.S. government (i.e., The White House), and is responsible for making America more secure from the dangers of terrorists, criminals and hazardous materials; 2. agency now in limbo since its high-level meetings with Shelby Thames have been cancelled due to the crises taking place at USM (as Thames stated in his dome press conference, meetings were to have taken place the week after the professor firings, but Thames had to hold dome press conference and first-ever Tuesdays against Thames meetings instead).

Dome Gnome < 1. nickname given to USM president Shelby Thames; 2. his (ST’s) personal favorite.

Dome Gnome magnets < small refrigerator magnets picturing the Dome Gnome, great for posting daily reminders/to-do lists (e.g., pick up kids at 11:30am, buy groceries for dinner, criticize Thames, etc.).

dome press conference < now famous press conference that was held (by Shelby Thames) at the beginning of the week following the Friday firings of Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer (in March of 2004).

Donne Variorum < (see variorum) 1. multi-volume edition of the poetry of John Donne. It is a collaborative work drawing on the labors of over 30 scholars from the United States and abroad. Organized in 1980, the project has enjoyed support from the National Endowment of the Humanities since 1986 (see donnevariorum.com). 2. General Editor of this very prestigious project is USM’s own Gary Stringer (see also Cheryl Clark); 3. project to move to Texas A&M University (along with Gary Stringer) in the Fall of 2004.

Doofus the Clown < an IHL Board member who does nothing about the Thames administration (term coined by David Berry).

Doty, Harold < 1. first-year Dean of the College of Business and Economic Development; 2. believed to be the only first-year dean who came with tenure; 3. believed to be the one first-year dean that Thames most wants to terminate; 4. pursued in the Spring of 2004 by Texas Christian University to fill their Business Dean opening.

Downtown Lunch Express < see 2 Trolleys.

Dr. Dvorak & Mrs. Hyde < 1. former is reference to Dr. Angeline Dvorak, who is an attractive and effective speaker at economic development symposia at junior colleges (see R. Scott Farris and Farriswood); 2. latter is reference to what Angeline Dvorak becomes when her credentials are challenged — she clinches her fists real tight, her eyes become red, and she threatens to sue.

Drug & Alcohol Policy < 1. USM policy regarding employee use of drugs and alcohol during work hours; 2. written by Jack Hanbury (see Mahogany Bar); 3. policy employs a "no trace whatsoever" standard (the chemistry equivalent to solid grounds) that would go so far as to disallow use of cough drops on USM premises; 4. policy delayed by USM under instructions (reportedly) from IHL Board given inconsistencies with policies of the other four-year institutions in the State.

Dude, where’s my Prof? < slogan popularized by student activists at the beginning of the Glamser-Stringer controversy.

due process < 1. important provision in the U.S. Constitution providing protection against tyrants; 2. superceded at USM by the will of the Dome Gnome.

Dvorak, Angeline < 1. currently the Vice President for Research and Economic Development at USM; 2. product of a Thames job search; 3. resume claims she was a Tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY from 1997-2000; 4. clinches her fist and makes her eyes turn red when she gets mad; 5. will sue anyone who questions her credentials; 6. see cronyism; 7. see nepotism; 8. lost Graduate Faculty status at USM on 4/26/04 in a 0-14 vote by the Graduate Council.

Dvorak Construction Co., LLC < 1. "Company" now handling details of construction of the Trent Lott Center (according to Bobby Chain in the HA, 5/19/04); 2. "[Angeline Dvorak] knows about as much about building as I do about teaching English." [quote by Bobby Chain in the HA on 5/19/04 regarding delays in construction of the Trent Lott Center at USM]; 3. Construction Co. accused by Bobby Chain of trying to move the Trent Lott Center to land that previously housed Van Hook Golf Course, a claim that seems to be supported by the inability of Angeline Dvorak and Phillip Halstead to coordinate their "stories" about the alleged plan (in a 5/19/2004 HA article); 4. Note to Mr. Chain: you might even know more about teaching English than she does (check out her vita).

Dvorak & Hanbury, Attorneys at Law < 1. Hattiesburg-area law firm, founded in July of 2004, whose partners are Mark Dvorak and John I. "Jack" Hanbury; 2. new law firm specializing in business-related law (i.e., not higher education law); 3. new Hattiesburg-area law firm where one can hire nebulous and misguided counsel.

Dvorak’s incredulity < 1. on 3/16/2004, The Hattiesburg American published the following quote made by Angeline Dvorak regarding inclusion on her vita of the line tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY: "Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought someone would interpret that I was trying to pass myself off as a person in the department of English at the University of Kentucky. I don’t even know where that department is. I’ve never even been there."; 2. this screams "pathological" (see the latest DSM); 3. if one is to believe Angeline Dvorak on this one, here is the moral of the story: if you ever interview someone who lists on their vita (or states the same) that they are a tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY, please, for your own protection later, have 5 to 7 follow-up questions ready since words apparently don’t matter or mean anything in this instance. Here’s a starter: "Have you ever been to Lexington?" I think you can take it from there (and please feel free use more than 7 follow-up questions if the candidate is being peculiarly evasive about the matter; remember, the candidate may be an agent provacateur, so you want to protect yourself and your institution from him/her).

Dvorak, Mark < 1. husband of Angeline Dvorak and former law partner of John I. Hanbury; 2. currently the Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. product of a Thames job search; 4. before being hired as HR Director at USM, he sat around Angie’s house watching Live with Regis and Kelly and Oprah all day; 5. said to have been asked to resign his board post (within only one year) with the Mississippians for Economic Progress (tort reform group) for incompetence; 6. see cronyism; 7. see nepotism; 8. resigned from USM in May of 2004, and will open private law practice (on 7/1/04) with Jack Hanbury (see Dvorak & Hanbury, Attorneys at Law).

Dvorak Variorum < (see variorum and Donne Variorum) 1. yeah, right; 2. not; 3. multi-volume edition of the many versions of Angeline Dvorak’s curriculum vita (see resume). It is a collaborative work drawing on the labors of Dvorak herself, several named agents provacateurs (see John I. Hanbury, Lisa Mader, Mark Dvorak) at Shelby Thames University, and anonymous lawyers in the Hattiesburg area. The project was organized in 1980/81, when Angeline Dvorak was a 19 year-old grad student at the University of Alabama and supposedly also teaching at Panama City Christian School (see 1981). The project has received financial backing from Shelby Thames since 2002 (year Angeline was hired on at about $120,000/yr.), and support was increased again in 2003 (year Angeline’s man Mark was hired, bringing support for the Dvoraks to around $250,000/yr. — all taxpayer dollars of course). The project has, however, received negative reviews by The Chronicle of Higher Education, the USM chapter of the AAUP, the Ad Hoc Committee on Credentials, Hiring and Tenure Processes, and numerous faculty in the English Department at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, where the variorum was reported to have been located from 1997-2000 by Dvorak and her agents provacateurs at Shelby Thames University. These reports were shown to be false, as the records place the variorum across the Commonwealth of Kentucky in a town called Ashland (much less prestigious).