UAC < University Advisory Committee set to hear the Glamser-Stringer hearings in late April, 2004.

Union Room B < 1. site of the Glamser-Stringer appeal hearing on April 28-29, 2004, with seating for about 35 members of the general public; 2. located just west of 33,000-seat M.M. Roberts Stadium, east of 8,000-seat Reed Green Coliseum, due north of 1,800-seat Bennett Auditorium, and just south of whatever large auditorium sits in the Chain Technology Building (so much for Shelby Thames’ open hearing).

university attorney < 1. legal counsel for a college/university that, in Mississippi, works within the hierarchy of the Attorney General’s office; 2. job held seemingly forever by the competent Lee Gore; 3. job given to USM’s Risk Manager Jack Hanbury in conjunction with the Glamser-Stringer settlement by MS Attorney General Jim Hood for Hanbury’s fine e-mail surveillance work.

University of Kentucky < 1. State University of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, located in Lexington and founded in 1865; 2. large, public university where Angeline Dvorak tells everyone she once worked, even though she admits that she’s never even been there (see Dvorak’s incredulity). Go figure.

university restructuring < 1. plan implemented by Shelby Thames to cut the number of USM colleges from 9 to 5 (leaving the College of Science and Technology intact); 2. plan was claimed to have saved $1.8 million, but administration officials put the decimal in the wrong place (human error) — actual savings were one dollar and eighty cents.

USM Cabinet < executive team at USM that includes the Provosts, Vice Presidents, Chief Information Officer, Director of Public Relations, Athletics Director, President of the Faculty Senate, President of the Staff Council, President of the Hub SGA, and all Deans and Directors (i.e., all of the agents provacateurs, plus the President of the Faculty Senate, President of the Staff Council, President of the Hub SGA, and all Deans and Directors).

USM Camelot < 1. what all USM faculty, staff, students, alumni and supporters had, but blew it; 2. USM under the idealistic leadership of Shelby Thames, and his New Frontier administrators, Tim Hudson, Angie Dvorak, Cynthia Moore, Gregg Lassen, Ken Malone, Jack Hanbury, Mark Dvorak and others; 3. supported from the outside by Thames Underworld figures like Paul "Bud" Holmes, Billy Hewes, R. Scott Farris and others, the Thames administration brought a great many aspirations and a spirit of optimism to the USM community, promising such things a $100,000,000 in external grant support, 20,000 students in the first 5 years, and luxury boxes in M.M. Roberts Stadium; 4. Shelby Thames, the father-figure (mob ties) leader, Tim Hudson, the hand-picked successor, Jack Hanbury, the shoot-from-the-hip attorney general, Ken Malone, the minister of war, Gregg Lassen, the money guy, Angeline Dvorak, the matriarch, Mark Dvorak, whipped, Cynthia Moore, the fashion-setting first lady of Camelot, and Lisa Mader, the hot, young public relations director who had everything under control; 5. yep, USM had it all but didn’t appreciate it.

USM’s enrollment < 1. a useless, totally specious statistic from now and into the near term; 2. like a cheating spouse, when you get lied to about the institution’s enrollment figures (one of its most important numbers), you can’t trust it anymore.

USM Foundation < 1. fund-raising arm of USM (see also Tim Ryan); 2. a virtual playground for Phil Bryant.

USM’s Golden Opportunity < 1. reference to quiz-kid Jim Hood’s quote on the day of the Glamser-Stringer settlement: "I think Southern Mississippi is on the brink of an opportunity to excel like no other university we’ve ever seen in 20 years." (The Sun Herald, 5/1/04); 2. Wow! Seems to indicate he would like to see president of his alma mater fire some people without due process so it can stand in the doorway of such a wonderful opportunity also — why let USM have all the fun and get all the glory?; 3. As a matter of fact, Harvard’s president is reportedly considering the same thing so it can get to that wonderful fork in the road as well; 4. thought that logically leads one to conclude that America owes Japan a debt of gratitude for bombing Pearl Harbor because it prodded us to make some needed physical upgrades to the naval installation there that for whatever reason we hadn’t been dedicated to making before 12/7/1941.

USMGC < Gulf Coast branch of the University of Southern Mississippi (Long Beach, MS).

USM’s image/brand < 1. the way USM is seen through the eyes of the outside world; 2. Lisa Mader says USM is working through any image problem it may now temporarily have. Danny Mitchell of GodwinGroup says USM’s brand remains "robust."; 3. William Gunther’s research indicates USM’s brand is dropping like a stone, and will continue to do so until Shelby Thames steps down. The statistical report by the LSU social science grad student points out that problems with USM’s image/brand might cost the institution over $25 million in tuition revenues and state support in just a few years. Thomas Bartlett’s expose in The Chronicle of Higher Education highlights USM’s diminishing stock. The growing size of babbs’ list is another indicator of problems associated with USM’s image, as is the growing number of reports (on geocities.com/fireshelby and elsewhere) showing the fall in the size and ACT scores of USM’s incoming freshmen classes.

USM millionaires < 1. reference to Shelby Thames’ plan to make millionaires out of all USM faculty and staff, presumably through grants and contracts; 2. Thames says his fear is that his plan will be so successful that all USM faculty and staff will retire at one time and nobody will be around to run the university (faculty/staff are leaving in droves, but don’t think it’s because they’re millionaires); 3. he reiterates this goal at each "new-faculty orientation".

USM Rose Garden < 1. with about 750 plants, one of only two All-American Rose Society accredited rose gardens in the State of Mississippi; 2. beautiful attraction at the main entrance to The University of Southern Mississippi; 3. like "comfort food" during the current crises at USM; 4. likely to be the only accredited piece of USM (outside College of Science &Technology) still standing when the Thames Regime is down for the count; 5. that is, if Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen don’t put an innovation park on top of it first (as we all know, the land is not generating any revenue in its current form).

USM’s Royal Families < 1. Shelby Thames (USM President) and his daughter Dana Thames (Chair/Professor of CISE); 2. Mark Dvorak (Director of Human Resources) and his wife Angeline Dvorak (VP for Research and Economic Development); 3. Tim Hudson (USM Provost) and his daughter Holly Hudson Buckner (International Programs Coordinator, Department of Int. and Cont. Ed.); 4. Ken Malone (Chief Operating Officer at USMGC and Chair, Economic Development Department) and his wife Kelli Booth (Coordinator for Marketing Development, Polymer Science, and part owner of Noetic Technologies, company that recently signed large contract with USM); 5. Les Goff (Director of Innovation and Business Ventures at USM and President/CEO/part owner of Noetic Technologies, company that recently signed large contract with USM) and his wife Sarah Morgan (Assistant Professor of Polymer Science); 6. Vance Flosenzier (Director of Process Technology at USM and part owner of Noetic Technologies, company that recently signed large contract with USM) and his wife Diana Flosenzier (Grant Proposal Specialist, Polymer Science Department).

vacationing in Texas < political codename for president Thames’ absence (or other administrator’s absence) when things get too hot for him to handle, used to disguise the fact that he is hiding from political troubles of his own making.

Van Hook Golf Course < 1. USM golf course killed by Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen to make way for an innovation park; 2. Van family found out in the newspaper like everyone else.

variorum < an edition of the works of an author, with notes by various scholars or editors.

The Varsity Voice < 1. new student newspaper to be introduced in the ‘04-‘05 academic year at USM by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain; 2. new student newspaper to serve as the mouthpiece of the administration, with editorials written by Lisa Mader, "news" coverage provided by Mader’s staff, with the financial backing of pro-Thames people in the private sector (see Thames Underworld); 3. lovingly known also as The Farcity Voice.

very truly yours < now-famous phrase used by Shelby Thames at the close of all of his correspondence with faculty, staff and students.

violation of the Buckley Amendment < 1. unauthorized release of confidential student records, such as individual test grades, course grades, transcripts, GPA, etc.; 2. according to Shelby Thames, (1) saying in an e-mail you’ve seen a student hanging around campus, taking classes for the past 7 years, (2) saying in an e-mail that certain named students came out of Professor Y’s exam session looking distressed, (3) saying in an e-mail that a certain named student went to Jones County Junior College before enrolling at USM, and/or (4) saying in an e-mail that a certain named student is a first-generation college student are all examples of violations of this Amendment.

VUSM Day < Victory at USM Day (the day that T-R-U-T-H occurs; see firethames.com). [guest Glossary entry by outward bound]

Walters, Kevin < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes much deeper into USM crisis stories than his cohort Janet Braswell.

Wallace, Anne < 1. Professor of English at USM, and product of a national job search; 2. has written two very eloquent letters to the editor of The Student Printz concerning the troublesome Thames administration; 3. on 4/27/04, Wallace wrote that Shelby Thames ". . . doesn’t seem to know what every student knows: you can’t cover ignorance and shallow thinking with bravado and empty words."

Wallace Report < 1. report (for AAUP and Faculty Senate) on Angeline Dvorak’s "scholarship" since 1989 written by USM English Professor Anne Wallace; 2. thorough report by Anne Wallace on Angeline Dvorak’s scholarly productivity since 1989, said to contain more pages of text than Dvorak’s own published work covered; 3. details of report would be included in this entry, but webster’s Glossary is not about embarrassing Angeline Dvorak or other members of the Thames administration.

Ward, Robbie < 1. former editor of The Student Printz; 2. got the ball rolling on many of the Thames administration scandals as editor; 3. hounded incessantly by the Thames Regime.

WDAM-TV < 1. local NBC affiliate, serving Hattiesburg-Laurel; 2. broken several stories during the Thames administration.

Weathers, Jon Mark < 1. Hattiesburg-area District Attorney; 2. questioned Shelby Thames’ assertion that Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer may have committed criminal acts given that Thames had not contacted his office with the information; 3. stated that he saw no reason why the D.A.’s office couldn’t conduct a criminal investigation, if warranted, alongside an ongoing personnel action between USM and the IHL Board (never heard from Shelby Thames).

Webroot Spysweeper 2.0 < 1. software that protects a computer from common forms of spyware programs, including Trojans, system monitors, keyloggers and adware. Automatically updates spyware definitions to provide immediate protection from the latest threats (see iTech); 2. only $29.99 at bestbuy.com (online electronics store).

Webroot Window Washer 5.0 < 1. software that washes away your online and offline tracks to protect your privacy(see iTech), bleaches files, recovers hard disk space and speeds up system performance; 2. only $39.99 at compusa.com (online electronics store).

Wednesdays with Thames < meetings between Shelby Thames and his new, unelected, unrepresentative President’s University Council (first meeting scheduled for Wednesday, 5/12,2004). [guest Glossary entry by elliott]

well-oiled machine < 1. a Porsche 911; 2. the 1976 Miami Dolphins; 3. Southwest Airlines 4. a state university with a risk manager at the helm.

Whiting, Melissa < 1. former CISE faculty member and product of a national job search; 2. is suing the Thameses for falsely reporting her academic accomplishments while at USM and for violating State nepotism laws; 3. has retained famed attorney Kim Chaze and may soon get very wealthy off of the State of Mississippi.

Wiest, Andy < 1. professor of history at USM; 2. describes himself as conciliatory vis-a-vis the Thames administration early on, in fact, once convincing the Faculty Senate to table an early "no confidence" vote; 3. has since criticized the Thames administration, noting that the possibilities for USM experiences like those he has had over his lifetime are slipping away from future generations of students, maybe even for his own two children; 4. spoke out in favor of a "no confidence" vote at the March 2004 faculty convocation.

Willis, Russ < 1. former Director of Human Resources at USM; 2. currently listed as Associate Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. all that stands between Mark Dvorak and institutional Chernobyl.

wireless telecomm companies < 1. private-sector companies offering wireless telecommunications service, usually known as cellular phone service (e.g., Sprint, AT&T Wireless, Alltell, Cellular South, Cingular, Verizon, etc.); 2. companies about to experience a large windfall in the Hattiesburg area given Shelby Thames’ use of iTech to monitor faculty phone use.

witch hunt < Shelby Thames’ characterization of the investigation of Angeline Dvorak by Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer (term used by Thames in testimony during Glamser-Stringer hearings).

WLOX < 1. ABC affiliate for Biloxi-Gulfport; 2. has broken several stories during the Thames administration.

world class university < 1. according to the Thames administration, one that maligns and wages war on its own faculty (Neil McMillen quote paraphrased); 2. fills important posts via Thames job searches.

WUSM < 1. USM radio network; 2. covers the Thames administration’s dome press conferences; 3. covering the Glamser-Stringer hearings on April 28-29, 2004.

Young, Amy < 1. Associate Professor (and Chair) of Anthropology and Sociology, and product of a national job search; 2. Director of Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund; 3. was called by Cynthia Moore on the day Frank Glamser was suspended and told to get Glamser’s classes covered; 4. new President of AAUP chapter at USM.