I got an e-mail today from a COB person with a spoof screenplay attached.  The spoof screenplay chronicles all the weirdness from the COB over the last few years in a funny way.  I called and got permission to post a small excerpt here.  I chose a recent event, a chronicle of the in-fighting surrounding the COB's implementation of an online master's program.  The author(s) have not named the spoof's characters yet.  But, I think you'll see what I mean when I say that I can see Kevin Bacon as MBA Director Y, Tom Cruise as Professor X, and Jack Nicholson as Dean Z.  Anyway, here goes.

CoB Faculty Meeting (12/2005) Regarding Digital MBA Program

MBA Director Y:  “Are there any more questions about this proposal?”

Professor X: “I have just one question for Dean Z before I 'call for the question.'  Dean Z, if it’s true that you’ve already ordered the equipment, already scheduled an online course for Spring 2006, and already have students signed up for that course, then why are we voting only now to approve online versions of 500-level courses?”

Dean Z:  “I had to move forward on this.”

Professor X:  “But, you said yourself that you're a big believer in faculty votes.  I have the transcript here from your job interview visit at South Florida . . . it says ‘…I am a big believer…’”

Dean Z:  “I know what it says!”

Professor X:  “Then what are we doing here?”

Dean Z:  “Son, have you ever been a department chair?”

Professor X:  “No sir.”

Dean Z:  “Ever served as a Program Director?”

Professor X:  “No sir.”

Dean Z:  “Ever fudged someone’s teaching rating and then asked them to support an unpopular initiative?”

Professor X:   “No sir.”

Dean Z:  “Son, academic administration is a dirty business, and sometimes things get nasty.  But, deep down in places you don’t like to talk about with others at my Christmas party, you want me to do the job this way!  You need me to do the job this way!”

Professor X:  “No sir!  I want the truth!”

Dean Z:  “You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth!”

Professor X:  “Is this vote a sham?!  Did you order the equipment and set up the class, knowing that was wrong?!”

Dean Z: “You’re *#*# right I did!  I called in an ad hoc committee, we ordered the equipment, I made Professor W teach the course!.....”

Professor X:  “Thank you, sir.”

Dean Z:  “For what? All you did was weaken a College today, X. . . .”