fter such a lengthy hiatus, the Ad Hoc Emergency Committee meeting resembled a re-run of Rowan & Martin's Laugh In, since nobody remembered much about what was supposed to be going on, except that Miss I did have a fresh batch of high-octane dewberry juice & the Fickle Finger of Fate had done some serious pointing since last we met. And she was Only slightly annoyed when Vic started tossing the doilies at Mal. This was enough to leave us Laughin all afternoon, but there was work to be done after all.

espite school having been out for the past few weeks, the big news is Shelby's official lame duckitude. Regardless of what anyone says, Mississippi doesn't have a true Open Meetings Act. We haven't been able to Get all the details & peek Inside the mind of the IHL board. The Group Mind of that august body may be brain dead for all we know. (The very thought of this secrecy got Invictus muttering some XXX rated stuff that Miss Information refused to include here. We'll just call his comments Hypocritical oaths & leave it at that!) Maybe USM Takes a licking and keeps on tickin, or maybe it's still a Disaster in Progress, or maybe NeitherOfTheAbove apply. The uncertainty of it all is enough to leave you Scared spitless. Some folks on both sides of the issue are Only slightly defensive, while others are Increasingly defensive. The bread-n-butter line for Thames boosters & EagleTalk Insurgents will continue be that he was the standard bearer for a brave new world of Smoking Management in higher education, while his opponents will say that that's just another Scam. Whatever the future holds, beware the Snake in the Grass. There will be a few. Keep your Scam Hammer handy. The fuse is still burning.
t's Hard to explain 4 in 2. Some folks see Shelby about to ride Into the sunset. They also tend to see half-filled glasses & doughnuts. Those who see half-empty glasses & doughnut holes, figure he got a contract extension & that there'll be More than a touch of gray in Mine and Yours before he's gone from the dome. This means that some folks are hopeful, but others remain Intimidated by the current USM environment. You can find both types Right down the corridor unless it's somebody who can say, "I did leave." Of course, Saturday's Child is too busy getting ready for Monday classes to worry about anything except work, work, work! A week's work for a day's pay & all that jazz! In the final analysis, it all Depends on the location of the comma, doesn't it?
n the enrollment front, with plenty online part-time flexibly-scheduled remedial students flocking in to sign up for "continuing enrollment" sections & plenty of Oak Grove Students clamoring for college-level work, USM is probably already at 20,000 and counting. You can Do the math, although now that Lisa's gone, we're not sure what to call it. But it does appear that FTE enrollment isn't quite as advertised & that probably means there is a Desperate Recruiter or two running around this summer. Don't laugh too cruelly at the recruiters, because they could quickly become Ex University Employees. The switch from university recruiter to Foundry Worker or speckled trout fry cook isn't as radical as might be presupposed. As a matter of fact, you might envy unsuccessful recruiters, as they are able to say, "I Escaped by the skin of my teeth." Tomorrow is a long time.
ome things never change. It's not what you know... but who you know remains the key to "advancement" in the USM ranks. And this board attracts some downright weird noms; that's a constant, too. Since graduation, we've enjoyed visitations by Hamlet's Ghost & Epicetus, Dr. Stangelove, Billy McBoing Boing & Theodore G. Bilbo Baggins. We're not even certain what 3 theirs above or Blue Horseshoe are supposed to mean, but it's alright, ma. It's nom & nom only. None of this answers the question, "Why do you bob your hair girls?," of course, but we don't care. It was fun enough hearing Bandy the Rodeo Clown sing "Get Along Little Bulldoggie" in honor of Roy Klumb, Carl Nicholson & Scott Ross as they follow The Pied Piper of Nitchampburg all the way to the bottom, Mud on the tires from spinning their wheels. Yes, it will take two years, but Shelby will be history. Cry me a River.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for -- the announcement of this week's winner of the prestigious & coveted Nom d'Aplomb Award. Now that everyone has gotten to the end of the 2004-2005 year, it's time for personnel evaluations. In our view, the biggest SOAR Loser of all was Shelby Thames. Sayonara, Chrome Dome Gnome! The lucky winner can pick up the suitable-for-framing certificate at the legendary usual place.