First candidate applies for Shelby's job - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: May 23, 2005

First candidate applies for Shelby's job

Date: May 23, 2005

"Now just a darn cotton-pickin' minute there, Donny! I think I'm MUCH better qualified to carry on the noble traditions of the Thames presidency than you are!"

Date: May 23, 2005

Hey guys! Well, shezam! I think I'd do a might sight better job of carryin' on the Thames Legacy than either of y'all. Well, gollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly, I think even Sgt. Carter'd be proud!

Date: May 23, 2005

Disney Style

Date: May 25, 2005

Two more possibilities!

Date: May 25, 2005

Well, all these candidates look like they would do a pretty good job of carrying on the Thames tradition but I would like to look at a few more please. Surely there is that perfect one out there who has everything that our president has -- more toys, more people to get even with, more fun to be had messing up USM, etc. Someone might even have a better football team or a bigger airplane. The perfect one, of course would have all of the above plus a real estate license and his own paving, printing, truck parts and paint company. I think we can do with out the cell phone tower (gets in the way of our fleet of airplanes when they are trying to land on the golf course so that our president can just step out and play golf.) Naturally they must have a strong dislike for academics if they ever give it a thought. Remember our students come first and they are upset about all of those long, hard, dull classes (when they can find them.)

Date: May 25, 2005

Dear Mr. Student Who is Disgruntled,

In the name of Shelby, the unmerciful. We have heard your complaint regarding the insufficiency of the candidates for the position of Leader of the Academic Republic of USM. We have considered your request for the nomination of the further candidates. We conclude now that this position is too (how you say?) "big" for one masculine entity, so we hereby kindly offer to you our combinated talents to carry on this ace of the leg of the former Leader Thames. We have the confidence that working as the one we can perform this task. Plus we think that this dome of which much has been heard will be of greater preference to us than the living situations in which presently we are living. In the name of Shelby, the unmerciful.

Date: May 25, 2005

Thank you for your excellent suggestion. I do believe that they would be almost perfect. However, if you will forgive me for being picky when you have been so gracious, it would come a little closer to the mark if you could put Adolph Hitler into the tub with them.

Date: May 25, 2005

Most Venerable Capitalist Running Dogs and Bourgeois Swine of USM,

Message to me has come of the soon-to-be departing of the current Great Leader of you (but not soon sufficiently for some of you, hahahahahahahhahahaha -- a little joke on my part). Having had experience that is extensive of the perpetuating of the legacy of a Great Leader of my own, I trust without fear of contradiction that I am, as you would so vulgarly put it, The Right Man for the Job. I can bring to USM several assets for dealing with so-called competing universities within state (so-called "Elderly Unmarried Woman" and so-called "I Miss You," as my translator tell me). Most important of these assets is approximately 10 meters high and has range of 600 miles (allowing easy targeting also of Gulf Coast campus of Tulane, although Texas A&M currently out of reach) and is tipped with "unpleasant surprise" (hahahahahahahahahahahah -- a little euphemism on my part). Also I possess public relations skills, as picture below shows me doing little "hi grandma" trick I learn from watching old Carol Burnett show episodes.

Date: May 25, 2005

You are sounding better on each post. Tell me one more thing. How would you handle Angie D. and the like? Also what other outsources do you have in store for the students. And would you give us all Ph. D's in say 3 months time?

Date: May 25, 2005

Son, the only one that can save this here 'lil Mississippi school is a true son of Mississippi, like yours truly. So I'm announcin' here 'n now that I'm comin' out of retirement to do sumthin' that means a lot to me. That whole "death" thing was just a big PR stunt to get me outta the public limelight so I could focus on the things that were most important to me. Yeah, I'm talkin' bout them sammiches I loved so much, but, as you can see from the recent shot below, I'm needin' to leave them days behind me now. 'Sides, it bothers me to know that summon else's been tryin' to pass himself off as a king in Mississippi. I guarantee that after I'm president of USM for six weeks, even them AAUP folks'll be lovin' me tender, lovin' me true, and them SACS fellers won't be steppin' all over my blue suede shoes. I'll put Shelby to work paintin' my new Caddy, and I'll get Angie doin' sumpin she'll be good at for a change -- sewin' the sequins onto my jump suits. I'm bettin' that in no time folks'll be comin' into the Dome just to say "thank you -- thankyouverymuch."

Date: May 26, 2005

Well, I think that you are perfect for the position. You have my vote. We have to hear from the others of course, but I would like to know when you can start. I would hate it if we messed around and lost you to one of those awful uppity tier schools. You know, the ones with ivy growing all over them.

Date: May 26, 2005

Beward of imposters.

Date: May 26, 2005

Hell, I liberated Cuba, tried to liberate the Congo, died trying to liberate Bolivia.

Why not liberate USM?

Date: May 26, 2005

'cause you're dead, che!

Date: May 26, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Miles Long
"Hell, I liberated Cuba, tried to liberate the Congo, died trying to liberate Bolivia. Why not liberate USM? "

Geraldo?

Date: May 26, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: stinky cheese man
"'cause you're dead, che!"

I can do a better job as el presidente of USM dead than Baut...er...Thames did alive.

Date: May 26, 2005

Do we have any more qualified candidates since some think that my favorite is too good to be true?

Date: May 26, 2005

Well, then that I vote for the one waving to his grandmother.

Date: May 26, 2005

disgusted student, you did recognize the leader of North Korea, did you not?

Date: May 26, 2005

LVN: Yes, I like the fact that he developed a movie industry and he likes his grandmother. If we can't have Elvis then lets have someone who can do something fun like a movie industry. Why did you ask?

Date: May 26, 2005

For Student Who is Lacking in Gust,

As you no doubt comprehend, as Great Leader I must fulfill many roles. Therefore I invite you to peruse photo below in hope I can doubly attract your vote: