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Originally posted by: bone
"Several of the editors and columnists wrote their farewell columns today.  One by one they hammered Thames in their own way.  It was fantastic to read/see."

Well, that explains it.   The Printz wasn't delivered to the Chain Technology building today.  I wondered why.   

 

Deschamp: What a Great Year!

By Chris Deschamp

May 05, 2005

Criminals are usually shoo-ins for the NFL, so we may have a star on our hands. Marcus Raines, a Pasadena City College linebacker who killed a man by kicking his head into concrete, is looking to play at USM. And, since footballologists have scientifically proven a link between violent crime and football playing ability, we could be looking at a future hall of famer.

Raines plea bargained down to a manslaughter charge, so he wasn’t actually convicted of murder. If he wants to have a chance at going pro, he may have to try kill somebody else, or he might not be criminal enough for it.

Raines is the finishing touch on a year that saw its ups, its downs and 99 percent of its faculty say, “USM is too awesome for me. I’d better go teach somewhere else, where I’m better qualified.” We’ve seen professional student publications, banners, faculty and bond issues come and go. Let’s review.

Fall semester was slow, until USM fans decided it made more sense to throw things at visiting fans, than not to. Throwing loose change at opposing teams apparently made more sense than spending it.

There was the bond issue. Supporters said since athletics was the only thing on campus that had any money, it made sense for them not to pay for their own renovations. Opponents argued that they didn’t want to pay three or four more cents on hotel and restaurant bills. They could be throwing that money at visitors to USM, instead of spending it on food.

When the bond issue failed, it seemed the only logical thing for the athletic department to do was purchase a plane, Because that makes sense. Not quite as much sense as putting a banner advertising USM over the windows of USM students, but almost.

Some in the SGA suggested boycotting local businesses that opposed the bond issue. That would have been like the time local law enforcement boycotted McDonald’s, because their fries were “illegally delicious.”

Since second-hand smoke has killed zero people at USM to date, the SGA decided to institute smoking zones to stop this deadly trend. Pine Haven residents, to honor their service to USM, were rewarded with eviction notices. And, in what can only be described as the best thing to ever happen to the world of STDs, a sorority village will be established right next to Frat Row.

I could talk about the accreditation scare, but all you need to know about it is that, in the words of President Thames, “Everything is fine. Look, we have a Chik-fil-A now.”

It’s been a great year. I can’t wait to come back in the fall, assuming USM hasn’t been converted into a giant restaurant by then.

http://www.studentprintz.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/05/05/4279a4bc29575