#1 Groupie began the selection committee's conference call this week by assuring us that April showers bring May flowers even at a university whose fundamental academic principles have been under assault. Reminding us of the discouraging events that have occurred during the past three years, she admonished us not to give up and yell May Day prematurely. This craft will survive. #1 Groupie, still under the influence of her brief sojourn to the Berkeley campus during the 1960's, also talked about the advisability of mounting a May pole beside the new Nitchamburg sign. The more conservative committee members tactfully persuaded her otherwise.

The message board activity greatly increased this week. This made the  selection committee's task was a particularly tough one. Here are the quotes deemed by the selection committee to best reflect the spirit of the board during the past week:

HONORABLE MENTION - Dusty Archive: ". . . although USM is in a sorry mess right now, I do believe that when the sun finally shines again this university can be a force to be reckoned with among Mississippi's institutions of higher education. For the first time in decades (and maybe the first time in the history of the institution) there is meaniningful communication among members of the faculty - on and off of this message board. The giant of academic freedom has been awakened and it won't be long before it will take hold of the entire campus. The faculty will not let the terrible state of affairs that has taken hold of USM happen ever again. It will take time to recover, but USM will recover and stronger than ever."

FIRST RUNNER UP - Cossack: "The final insult is that USM faculty who have victimized are being told that the reason they are in this mess is that they are guilty of not managing their message correctly. Most of what has been said by the faculty was a call for help. That call was ignored, ridiculed, laughed at, and even attacked as whining. We were made the enemy and have had the audacity to try to fight back. The groups have changed, but the situation is eerily similar to the old Mississippi where "those that are not like us" were the enemy."

THE WINNER - The most dredful professor of all: "The difference between USM and other state schools is they have presidents wise enough to know that bashing your own faculty is a fool's game. If you have a lazy, trouble making faculty, why should students come to your school? Why should people donate large amounts of money to your school? Good presidents praise their hard working faculty at every opportunity. Unfortunately, the faculty bashing has the effect of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy as marketable professors head for the exits. Look at nursing, English, Criminal Justice, History, and many other departments. Of course, other state schools are being silent. USM is self destructing, and the IHL is viewed as complicit in the whole sordid mess."