Just plain tired - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: Mar 12, 2005

Just plain tired

Date: Mar 12, 2005

"That which does not kill me . . . makes me stronger."

Frederich Nietzsche

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Good post. It likely applies to most of us. The only encouraging response I can make is that the dark side also is getting tired. The recent meeting of the SFT supporters is an indication of how much SFT and his supporters believe that they are losing the battle. After the circle jerk was over, they had a list of SFT accomplishments that was sophomoric at best. The only trivia that was missing were claims that grass now is greener than ever before and azaleas are blooming earlier with SFT at the helm. He also is making the sun come up earlier and set later.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Cheer up Sad Jr. I heard they are planning another meeting. This one will be downtown in a phone booth.

Don't think of getting rid of SFT as work; think of it as fun. I'm having a great time! My biggest worry is what will we do once he is gone. This has become a great hobby.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

I envy you. All of my friends have left. For me all that is left of collegiality is a message board in cyberspace. Thank God for small favors.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: survivor
" I envy you. All of my friends have left. For me all that is left of collegiality is a message board in cyberspace. Thank God for small favors."

This is true for me also. Senior faculty in my department (and others) are retiring early because they no longer get enough fulfillment from their work at USM. And that kind of satisfaction cannot be acquired from salary. This is what SFT doesn't realize. Most love their work and never went into this profession to get rich. But it also shows what motivates him. It makes me wonder, as someone mentioned on another thread, if he was an honest scientist.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

My sympathies to you Sad. Since March 5, I've felt like someone who has been grieving a dead relative. You think you're starting to feel better, then the anniversary of their death comes around and you are plunged into grief again. The meetings and ridiculous charges this week haven't helped. Hundreds of miles away, I'm wandering through the grocery store doing my shopping, but sadly thinking about USM. One of my new colleagues said, "but it's not your problem anymore." I still feel like it is.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Joker
"Senior faculty in my department (and others) are retiring early because they no longer get enough fulfillment from their work at USM. And that kind of satisfaction cannot be acquired from salary. This is what SFT doesn't realize. Most love their work and never went into this profession to get rich. But it also shows what motivates him. It makes me wonder, as someone mentioned on another thread, if he was an honest scientist."

Excellent, excellent post. Anyone who goes into academics for the money has already betrayed the principles of of the academy. Most of us went into this because we loved to learn and, later, to teach. I am not sure what motivates Shelby except ego.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

I too am sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, feeling like the best years of USM are behind ME. My colleagues and friends in my School/College/whatever and in other departments are for the most part gone. The campus feels strange as if I was "left behind" after Armageddon. I too get my hopes up just to see them dashed; I fear the forces which are "out there", often invisible to us and impossible to second guess, are stronger or at least more sinister (thus more determined) than we are. Yes, the dark side may be tiring, but they seem to have renewable sources of energy that we often don't have. Just when we think, "no way can anyone weasel out of this one", they somehow DO. When I describe the situation to faculty in other universities (even the University of Colorado, Boulder: ashamed:) they listen with interest, but I know that they are thinking-- I am being overly dramatic and exaggerated about this 24 hour day academic harassment. I would have a hard time believing THEM, if they detailed a similar situation to ME.

So, yes I am sad today, I worry about my students, I wonder who will teach them when I leave this year; I worry about being a "quitter" and yet, for my own mental health, I can't survive another year, let alone another four years of this tyranny. I love my work and did not consider money as part of that career choice; but being afraid that I could be terminated for my beliefs, as were my heroes, Gary and Frank, or punished at the very least with an instructor's schedule at GP, has become more than tiresome; I am no longer able to keep up with my own work and teaching as I have in the past. Fatigued, broken and even my family has suffered far too much. In no way is this fun for me although sometimes the absurdities do take on the humor of Python's knight.

I hope that this dark cloud we are under will pass. Maybe THIS spring, I will have an epiphany or at least experience less desolation. My love for USM is only surpassed by the admiration and respect I have for you all who are keeping your eyes on the prize and staying the course and taking high moral ground. You all are the unsung heroes in all of this train wreck and I am grateful to have this message board as my own private therapy to help cope with such sadness. I am proud to be one of you; it is truly an honor to say that I am a tenured faculty member at USM who tried to fight the good fight by your side; I wouldn't have completely appreciated you had all this NOT happened (not that I would wish THIS on any institution). When we leave, there will be no "firewall of resistance" or chain of water pails to stop the scorched earth tactics of the Dome. That is perhaps the greatest heartbreak of all.

Remember Neitzsche's warning:

"If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. "

Date: Mar 13, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Soon to be "former" professor
"I too am sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, feeling like the best years of USM are behind ME. My colleagues and friends in my School/College/whatever and in other departments are for the most part gone. The campus feels strange as if I was "left behind" after Armageddon. I too get my hopes up just to see them dashed; I fear the forces which are "out there", often invisible to us and impossible to second guess, are stronger or at least more sinister (thus more determined) than we are. Yes, the dark side may be tiring, but they seem to have renewable sources of energy that we often don't have. Just when we think, "no way can anyone weasel out of this one", they somehow DO. When I describe the situation to faculty in other universities (even the University of Colorado, Boulder: ashamed:) they listen with interest, but I know that they are thinking-- I am being overly dramatic and exaggerated about this 24 hour day academic harassment. I would have a hard time believing THEM, if they detailed a similar situation to ME. So, yes I am sad today, I worry about my students, I wonder who will teach them when I leave this year; I worry about being a "quitter" and yet, for my own mental health, I can't survive another year, let alone another four years of this tyranny. I love my work and did not consider money as part of that career choice; but being afraid that I could be terminated for my beliefs, as were my heroes, Gary and Frank, or punished at the very least with an instructor's schedule at GP, has become more than tiresome; I am no longer able to keep up with my own work and teaching as I have in the past. Fatigued, broken and even my family has suffered far too much. In no way is this fun for me although sometimes the absurdities do take on the humor of Python's knight. I hope that this dark cloud we are under will pass. Maybe THIS spring, I will have an epiphany or at least experience less desolation. My love for USM is only surpassed by the admiration and respect I have for you all who are keeping your eyes on the prize and staying the course and taking high moral ground. You all are the unsung heroes in all of this train wreck and I am grateful to have this message board as my own private therapy to help cope with such sadness. I am proud to be one of you; it is truly an honor to say that I am a tenured faculty member at USM who tried to fight the good fight by your side; I wouldn't have completely appreciated you had all this NOT happened (not that I would wish THIS on any institution). When we leave, there will be no "firewall of resistance" or chain of water pails to stop the scorched earth tactics of the Dome. That is perhaps the greatest heartbreak of all. Remember Neitzsche's warning: "If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. ""

Soon to be "former" professor, I loved your post because it could have been from me. I go back to the McCain era and I feel like someone who enters a movie late and must stay for the next showing to get the whole movie. Well, "this is where I came in" except I never thought I could ever say this is worse than McCain's era. Someone keeps referring to it as a Soap Opera with a new episode each week.

I too have lost many colleagues and friends, who either left or plan to leave. Friends in the community who were close are no more because they believed the PR, spin and their "business leaders", which resulted in our trust for each other being diminished. (How can a conservative republican be friends with those "left-wing, atheistic, radical, trouble making AAUP supporters"?)

I have been a season ticket holder for over 30 years, but last season something happened. I support Coach Bower and the team, but it seems so pointless. (Who mentioned arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic?) I went to games but would leave early. I love football, so something is really wrong with me. (I could watch the games on TV without a problem--maybe it was being on campus.) Anyway I need to decide if I should get season tickets this year or just retire and move out of MS. Someone said they were going "back to the states" when they went to Alabama or Louisiana. Maybe I need to get back to the USA and leave this little USSR Siberia.

Sorry for the long post, but it was good therapy.

p.s. You know, there are two "leadership groups" who have remained very silent during this turmoil. One are the MDs and the other are the ministers. I guess speaking out would be bad for business.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Congratulations on your escape. The inmates are always happy to see someone escape.

The abyss is hard to avoid if your job is in the abyss. The heroes are those staying who could go. For many of us, a combination of the retirement system, a spouse's career, and the preferences of children leave us where we are. It's easy to be a hero if your officer gets you into a jam and its either fight like hell or die. In this case, those of us that are stuck here have been dealt a bad hand. However, to paraphrase R.L. Stevenson life is many times about playing a bad hand well. Just folding your cards may not be the best option. If SFT was smart, he'd leave us alone and the institution would slowly glide down (remember his first year). However, since he's both dumb and mean and many of the people he hires are both dumber and meaner, things just won't settle down. Unfortunately, even if you don't go looking for the abyss, it comes to you.

This will eventually end. If SACs doesn't do them in, some stone-cold government auditor will.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Sad,

You have plenty of company. We all came here for the best of reasons. Your post made me remember why I came here and have stayed all these years. Reasons similar to what you posted. Now as we get to retirement we can't wait to leave. I'm also sad since so many in my college have gone either through retirement or they are young enough to leave while they can. Our energy has been sucked out by Shelby's mindless administration that is obsessed with making a state university in one of the poorest states in the nation a for-profit university in the imagine of U/P. I now count the days and place bets - will Shelby go or will I retire first. Counting days is sad to think about but a fact for so many at a great university that has been knocked down, not by anyone outside the university, rather by its president. The countdown continues...................

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Good reason to be tired, to be sure. But soon -- if not April, May at the latest -- the entire world will know which way the winds will blow at USM. The IHL will either honor the request of Faculty Senate (and no doubt the admonitions of countless others) and begin the search for the next president, or "stay the course" with SFT. If the former, I suspect your fatigue will fall away in a flash; if the latter, there won't be much reason not to take a nice, long nap.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

I'm tired, too.

But I believe what we are fighting for is in the best interest of students and the state of Mississippi. I also believe we will all feel better if we try to do what is right. It makes it easy to look in the mirror each morning, if nothing else.

Let's take a day or two and enjoy spring.

Amy Young

Date: Mar 13, 2005

Good words Amy--someone who has earned the right to be the tiredest of all. Courage to you--to us all. No quarter.

Date: Mar 13, 2005

I go back to the McCain era

I too go back to the McCain days. General McCain's days of command were childs play compared to the SFT machine.

The follow up book to Exit 13 will be like comparing Jonathan Livingston Seagull to Gone with the Wind