Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

My name is J.W. Johnson.  I am a chicken rancher in Eastabuchie, Mississippi, not far from Hattiesburg. I am writing to apologize for the behavior of my older brother, W.J. Johnson.  W.J. was recently discharged from the Mississippi State Hospital in Whitfield, after undergoing several years of intensive psycho-therapy.  Tragically, he suffers from a multiple personality disorder and is often delusional, imagining himself to be a successful businessman, and more recently, a college professor at USM.  When W.J. takes his medication he functions relatively well. However,  we have just discovered that he has taken to  hiding his pills under his tongue, and when we're not looking, tossing them into the chicken feed. As you can imagine, this brings on all manner of strange behavior. W.J. learned to use a computer as part of the occupational therapy program at Whitfield,  and we have provided him with a home computer and internet service since his return home.  We believed that this would provide him with harmless entertainment, never realizing that he would be resourceful enough to invade a university professors' message board.  I am not certain how W.J. developed this most recent fantasy about being a college official, but I suspect it somehow stems from an obsession with a former roommate at Whitfield, who I understand is now president of the University of Southern Mississippi.  I do know that while awaiting their electro-shock therapy treatments, W.J. and Mr. Shelby Thames had many conversations about their dreams and aspirations.  It would be consistent with W.J.'s condition that he might take on certain aspects of Shelby's personality and imagine himself to be working in concert with him.  I hope you will forgive W.J. for anything he may have said that was offensive or inappropriate.  He is harmless, as is his imagined secretary, Miss Wurstheimer.  In the future, I will do everything possible to insure that W.J. does not trouble you again. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

J.W. Johnson