Dotykrieg redux - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: Mar 8, 2005

Dotykrieg redux

Date: Mar 8, 2005

There are rumors circulating about old WJ in the CoB. One is that his experience is in management while his training is in accounting. That would allow him to offer service to 2 separate departments. Another is that SFT & Co want him on the CoB research committee, one that is currently drafting new guidelines for tenure and promotion. They want his there to influence the tilt towards economic development and grants/contracts.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

I get the distinct feeling I'm being had, but I'll ask an honest question.

Was this marvelously talented personage, "W.J. Johnson", hired w/out benefit of the usual personnel process in the CoB?

You know, tiresome stuff like a department, or College, hiring committee that adheres to EEOC and profession-specific hiring guidelines. Was there a vote in a Department? Did a chair forward the results of that vote to Dean Doty? Who then sent it up the line through the Provost and President to the IHL? You know, the usual shared governance rigamarole that attends a legitimate academic hire?

Or did BJ get to skip all that stuff? Because he's just so darned exceptional and all?

Come on, fess up now, isn't this WJ Johnson stuff just somebody in the CoB--you wacky folks--having us all on? A "Johnson" is a euphemism for a male sexual member, after all. Is all this about just waving the figurative Johnson to the uninitiated?

Conversely, the forcible application of such a figurative "Johnson" to the lowest portion of the gastrointestinal tract is certainly an apt metaphor for Shelby's administrative style and his relation to the institution. Is ole BJ just a metaphor for this actual administrative buggering?

Over in the "Liberal Arts", they refer to this sort of stuff as "Phallogocentrism," ie. writing with, from, for and about the phallus . . .

Date: Mar 8, 2005

I like his well-roundedness. Johnson seems to be the type of fellow that will be able to do some real housecelaning in the CoB. Research is for wusses, ED is for men. What the heck is a Business Bureau? For my money, I'm getting my MBA at Carey.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Terence, This is Silly Stuff
" I get the distinct feeling I'm being had.... A "Johnson" is a euphemism for a male sexual member, after all. Is all this about just waving the figurative Johnson to the uninitiated? Conversely, the forcible application of such a figurative "Johnson" to the lowest portion of the gastrointestinal tract is certainly an apt metaphor for Shelby's administrative style and his relation to the institution. Is ole BJ just a metaphor for this actual administrative buggering? Over in the "Liberal Arts", they refer to this sort of stuff as "Phallogocentrism," ie. writing with, from, for and about the phallus . . . "

I request a clarification. Is this guy's name B.J. Johnson or W.J. Johnson? If it's B.J. I'd subscribe to your phallic put-on theory, for as we all know, BJ is shorthand for, how shall I say it, a particular non-sexual act favored by a certain phallocentric former U.S. President.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

Having been in the business computer faculty suite this morning I observed no new office arrangements. All have they existing offices - 5 of 8 offices, 1 used by instructor that is a Ph.D. student in Food Sys Mgt. and/or temp office for their use in Tourism Mgt, 1 used by Tourism Mgt for storage and copier, and 1 used by business computer faculty (MIS) for printer and mailboxes. Unless someone no longer has an office in the suite someone is yanking all others around. Associate Dean Niroomand should know if anyone does the use of the temp office.

There were two in "suits" seen in the building yesterday that no one knew who they were. Some said they were seen headed toward the MIS suite.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Business One
" There were two in "suits" seen in the building yesterday that no one knew who they were. Some said they were seen headed toward the MIS suite. "

Could the two "suits" have been advance men for the mysterious B.J. Johnson? I wouldn't be surprised if he had plain-clothes bodyguards provided by Thames' undercover security force.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Terence, This is Silly Stuff
"I get the distinct feeling I'm being had"

I believe in Santa Claus. I believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe in the Tooth Fairy. I believe in W.J. Johnson. But, Mommy, is there still a USM?

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: baby doc
"The temporary office for W.J. Johnson that was set up Monday in a small suite in JGH has been reclaimed by Doty for a Business Bureau (that I heard he ripped from KM's clutches). Now hear that Johnson is to be located further down the hall with the business computing systems faculty in a small box office. "

In an act of breathtaking magnanimity, Dean Doty has offered to retrofit the end stall of the second floor men's room at Joseph Greene Hall for use as an office by Professor W.J. Johnson, a recent addition to the COB faculty. Professor Johnson has accepted Dean Doty's offer, and is presently investigating the possibility of effecting the office conversion without displacing the toilet.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Plumbers Helper
"Dean Doty has offered to retrofit the end stall of the second floor men's room at Joseph Greene Hall for use as an office by Professor W.J. Johnson"

Please don't let the painters disturb the grafitti on the end stall's walls. Everything at USM should be preseved for the time when our university is of historical interest only becomes a mere tourist attraction. I'm sure those walls must contain limericks of wisdom. Preserve them for posterity.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Sit and read. No magazine necessary.
"Please don't let the painters disturb the grafitti on the end stall's walls. Everything at USM should be preseved for the time when our university is of historical interest only becomes a mere tourist attraction. I'm sure those walls must contain limericks of wisdom. Preserve them for posterity. "

Most definitely, JGH and all other buildings should be protected by the Histroical Preservation Society. In fact, people should be charged admission. Here is a University Civil War 2002-? JGH already looks like its been bombed out.

Date: Mar 8, 2005

quote:
Originally posted by: Plumbers Helper
"In an act of breathtaking magnanimity, Dean Doty has offered to retrofit the end stall of the second floor men's room at Joseph Greene Hall for use as an office by Professor W.J. Johnson, a recent addition to the COB faculty. Professor Johnson has accepted Dean Doty's offer, and is presently investigating the possibility of effecting the office conversion without displacing the toilet."

Professor Johnson:

We may have a problem with this toilet stall conversion idea. Health regulations do not allow the location of food preparation areas within 25 feet of a toilet. You have requested that your new office be equipped with a mini-bar and kitchenette similar to Dr. Malone's arrangement. However, the circumstances are not identical since Dr. Malone does not office in a toilet stall. I am presently investigating the possibility of obtaining a waiver of the state's food-toilet proximity requirements, which I understand may be obtained from Governor Barbour's office. We will do everything possible to accomodate you sir, but be advised that your mini-bar request may present an insurmountable obstacle.

Yours truly,

Ed Norton, USM Sanitation Engineer

Date: Mar 8, 2005

Hey, I like the graffiti comment! I remember the great ones of the seventies:

"Bicycle Riders of the World Unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!"

and after the firing of Archibald Cox,

"Impeach the Cox Sacker!"