quote:

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Originally posted by: Just a puc'ing peon
"We thought you and the Spin Mistress were far too busy fabricating this week's board presentation and homecoming announcement to be bothered with the likes of us."

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Dear Sir or Madam:

Au contraire!  We have ample time to attend to faculty issues, moreso now than before.  We are presently utilizing a new cutting edge buffered computer program which authors all of Dr. Thames letters and prepared public pronouncements.  If you have not noticed a change in the tone, grammar, or content of his most recent utterances, then the program is a success.

As you might surmise, this speech synthesizer program coupled with the recent faculty calm, has freed Ms. Mader from crisis management activities.  Indeed,  I believe she has several openings in her calendar this week,  should any of you wish to meet with her.  Ms. Mader does maintain formal office hours on campus,  and supplementary informal office hours at the Mahogany Bar patio each evening from 5 PM until closing.  Appointments are not required.

Thank you for your prompt response and do not hesitate to contact me if I may be of further assistance.

Very truly yours,

Joseph Goebbels, Ph.D.

USM Minister of Truth

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Originally posted by: Austin Eagle
"Dr. G, If Lisa has too much time on her hands, perhaps she could do a short hitch as Jeff Bower's spear catcher, at least until the Alabama game is forgotten. AE"

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This should get the "most clever response" award!!

From - the next state above Texas!!  Boomer Sooner.

At my superior's request, I forward for your information, the following purloined correspondence:

October 20, 2004

Dear Herr Goebbels,

I commend you on a job well done.  The faculty insurrection has been quieted, thanks to your brilliant intervention.  The new PUC has  supplanted the Faculty Senate, my monthly letters to the faculty have  diffused their allegations of non-communication, and the Varsity Voice, patterned after your own Der Angrif, has rendered the Student Printz impotent. You have  effectively neutered  my nemesis and archrival by orchestrating his relocation to rural Texas, and your public relations efforts, such as Golden Aramark Revelry, have been fabulously successful.  I also note with great satisfaction that internecine warfare has now substantially crippled  faculty agitators'  efforts to undermine my administration.  In sum, your mission has been accomplished.

I cannot thank you enough, and intend to recommend to the IHL that you be awarded a substantial performance bonus, as well as a paid sabbatical at the Roy Klumb estate in Alabama.  And by the way, thank you so much for the autographed copy of  "Propaganda in Theory and Practice."  I shall cherish it always.  We do indeed make a perfectly great team.

Your friend,

Shelby

quote:

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Originally posted by: Gurunuberg's Undercover Operative
"At my superior's request, I forward for your information, the following purloined correspondence: October 20, 2004 Dear Herr Goebbels, I commend you on a job well done.  The faculty insurrection has been quieted, thanks to your brilliant intervention.  The new PUC has  supplanted the Faculty Senate, my monthly letters to the faculty have  diffused their allegations of non-communication, and the Varsity Voice, patterned after your own Der Angrif, has rendered the Student Printz impotent. You have  effectively neutered  my nemesis and archrival by orchestrating his relocation to rural Texas, and your public relations efforts, such as Golden Aramark Revelry, have been fabulously successful.  I also note with great satisfaction that internecine warfare has now substantially crippled  faculty agitators'  efforts to undermine my administration.  In sum, your mission has been accomplished. I cannot thank you enough, and intend to recommend to the IHL that you be awarded a substantial performance bonus, as well as a paid sabbatical at the Roy Klumb estate in Alabama.  And by the way, thank you so much for the autographed copy of  "Propaganda in Theory and Practice."  I shall cherish it always.  We do indeed make a perfectly great team. Your friend, Shelby"

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Amusing and artfully crafted as this is, it's almost too chilling to be humorous.  Perhaps it's best read as a wakeup call. If Goebbels wasn't dead,  I'd be inclined to assume this letter is real.

Art

October 22, 2004

Dear Joe,

Thanks for doing such a great job with Shelby.  The board is pleased that he thinks things are going well, and that everything is calming down. You and I have had such success manipulating him, that he actually thinks his administration has been good for the school! I think it only a matter of time until we are able to completely wipe out the "culture of tenure" which is keeping us from having only two major schools in Mississippi. In fact, after you're finished at USM, I think we might consider sending you to Delta State or Alcorn to work your propganda and espionage schemes there. All these schools are just costing us too damn much money. If we could cut the number of faculty members by making everybody teach at least 8-5 and pull their weight, there would be more money for us to go someplace better on our retreats than Alabama. Hey, I'm thinkin' about Vegas next year! You of course, will be part of the IHL entourage. And you'll be getting an extra bonus after our next meeting (see Linda and she'll cut the check).

Thanks again buddy,

Roy

Herr K;

I would remind you that, in the mid-1980s, your predecessors considered closing the "Valley" and the "W" -- to no avail.  The respective constituencies of those schools were too vocal and able to plausibly argue discriminatory intent.  Public sentiment may have changed somewhat, but probably not enough to revisit those issues with a reasonable expectation of success.  Accordingly, I must respectfully suggest that no further thought be given to the school in Lorman. 

However, the school in Cleveland may warrant further attention.