What happened to GURUNBERG - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: Sep 7, 2004

What happened to GURUNBERG

Date: Sep 7, 2004

maybe he left when hudson left

Date: Sep 8, 2004

Gurunuberg is consumed by responsibilities associated with the Save Dana Thames Committee. The Guru is presently searching for affordable warehouse space to house the massive volume of donated clothing, housewares, and foodstuffs, but plans to resume message board reports as soon as Dana's welfare is insured.

Date: Sep 29, 2004

The Silence of the Lambs?

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Gurunuberg's Risk Manager
"Gurunuberg is consumed by responsibilities associated with the Save Dana Thames Committee. The Guru is presently searching for affordable warehouse space to house the massive volume of donated clothing, housewares, and foodstuffs, but plans to resume message board reports as soon as Dana's welfare is insured. "

It's not easy to obtain accurate information from afar, but I recently heard a rumor that the booty collected by the Save Dana Thames Committee will be presented to Dana by Drs. Angie Dvorak and Joe Goebbels in a big halftime ceremony at the October 23rd homecoming game. Can any of you confirm this story? I've been waffling on whether to attend the game, but the prospect of witnessing the Thames event might just push me over the edge. This has the potential to surpass the Janet Jackson Superbowl halftime performance.

AE

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Austin Eagle
" It's not easy to obtain accurate information from afar, but I recently heard a rumor that the booty collected by the Save Dana Thames Committee will be presented to Dana by Drs. Angie Dvorak and Joe Goebbels in a big halftime ceremony at the October 23rd homecoming game. Can any of you confirm this story? I've been waffling on whether to attend the game, but the prospect of witnessing the Thames event might just push me over the edge. This has the potential to surpass the Janet Jackson Superbowl halftime performance. AE "

Dear Sir or Madam:

Your query concerning the USM-East Carolina Homecoming event was called to my attention by my associate, Ms. Mader, and I am happy to provide the requested information.

We are indeed planning a memorable halftime show honoring Dr. Dana Thames. While program details are still developing and thus subject to change, I can disclose that a medley of songs of love and inspiration, dedicated to Dana, will be performed by special guest Michael Jackson. As you may know, Mr. Jackson is a longtime friend of Dr. Thames and the university, as evidenced by his likeness on the banner which presently graces our theater building. Upon completion of his performance, Dr. Shelby Freeland Thames will award an honorary Doctor of Music and Economic Development degree to Mr. Jackson. This will be another first for USM--the first honorary degree to be granted by USM, and the first to be received by Mr. Jackson.

Next, following remarks by Dr. Angie Dvorak and myself, and presentation to Dana of the used clothing, household items, and canned goods collected by the Save Dana Thames Committee, we will unveil the halftime piece de resistance. President Thames will announce the formal designation of the USM College of Education and Psychology as the Dana G. Thames College of Education and Psychology. In this matter I would appreciate your discretion, as we have not yet made public the re-naming of the college. A press release from Ms. Mader is forthcoming.

Inasmuch as this halftime show will be, by any standard, world class, we have decided to memorialize the occasion in several ways. Upon entering the Rock, high quality 100% cotton Tee-shirts featuring a colorful, silk-screened "Save Dana Thames" graphic will be presented, at no charge, to all who attend, along with a coupon redeemable for a free USM polymer hot dog at any stadium concession stand.

Additionally, commemorative lithographs of Drs. Shelby and Dana Thames posing with Michael Jackson have been commissioned, and will be available to the public in limited quantities. USM faculty members in good standing will be offered a 3.5% cash discount, and prints can be autographed upon request. Prints may be purchased at the President's Gift Kiosk, located in the foyer of the Lucas Administration building, or via the internet at www.shelbysgoodstuff.com. For your convenience, Paypal is accepted.

I hope I have adequately addressed your questions. Should you require additional information about the 2004 homecoming events, or the purchase of Thames memorabilia, please do not hesitate to call me or Ms. Mader at any time.

Very truly yours,

Dr. Joseph Goebbels

USM Minister of Truth and Public Relations

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Dr. Joseph Goebbels
"This will be another first for USM--the first honorary degree to be granted by USM . . ."

Sorry, Dr. G.

From the web site about Oseola McCarty: http://www.usm.edu/pr/oolaward.htm

1988

May 15: The University of Southern Mississippi - Hattiesburg, Miss.

Received an Honorary Degree - Doctor of Humane Letters. The first honorary degree ever awarded at Southern Miss.

No need to let the truth get in the way, though.

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Dumb as The Rock
" Sorry, Dr. G. From the web site about Oseola McCarty: http://www.usm.edu/pr/oolaward.htm 1988 May 15: The University of Southern Mississippi - Hattiesburg, Miss. Received an Honorary Degree - Doctor of Humane Letters. The first honorary degree ever awarded at Southern Miss. No need to let the truth get in the way, though."

Dear Sir or Madam:

We appreciate your effort to correct our claim concerning the primacy of Mr. Jackson's honorary USM degree. However, you should be aware that Dr. Thames, upon learning of the conditions for an unprecedented on-campus visit by Mr. Michael Jackson, revoked the honorary degree earlier conferred on Mrs. McCarty, and expunged all official USM records of it's award.

This revocation allows Dr. Thames to legitimately claim the degree (to be) awarded to Mr. Jackson as yet another USM first. As a general proposition, let me remind you that whenever Dr. Thames states that something is a first, without precedent, or world class, then you may be assured that it is so, for he is not a man given to hyperbole or misstatement.

Moreover, in the interest of historical accuracy, I should also point out that the honorary doctorate you reference was awarded to Mrs. McCarty in 1998 (not 1988), prior to the commencement of Dr. Thames' reich in 2002. Even absent the revocation, degrees awarded by USM prior to 2002 are not recognized by Dr. Thames as legitimate. In the interest of fairness and equity, following Mr. Jackson's departure from Hattiesburg and pending a thorough review of Mrs. McCarthy's files, Dr. Thames will consider the reinstatement of Mrs. McCarty's honorary doctorate.

Again, thank you for your interest in the University of Southern Mississippi, and please feel free to contact us at any time.

Sincerely yours,

Joseph Goebbels, Ph.D.

USM Minister of Truth and Public Relations

P.S. You neglected to mention whether you wish to reserve an autographed limited edition lithograph of Shelby, Dana, and Jacko at Lake Byron. Call me or Ms. Mader in the PR office to place your order. Remember, supplies are limited.

Date: Sep 29, 2004

Dear Herr Doc--

My abject apologies. I stand corrected. Thank you for your very thorough explanation of my most obvious misapprehension.

Southern Miss To The Top!!!!!

Yours,

Dumb

Date: Sep 29, 2004

And both of you need to remember that Dr. Thames is offering an honorary degree in a subspecialty of Economic Development...they didn't use to just give those away...some of us earned ours the hard way...

With increasing bitterness at the devaluation of my degree,

Dr. MMR

Date: Sep 29, 2004

That Dr. Thames is a clever old devil (purely a figure of speech), widely underestimated I'd say. Think of the free world-wide publicity USM will receive when Jacko takes the stand in his child molestation trial, and is sworn is as Dr. Michael Jackson. Every commentator from CNN, C-BS, Court TV, and so on will mention his honorary USM doctorate, over and over and over again for the duration of the trial. What a stroke of brilliance Dr. Goebbels, or Shelby, or Lisa?

AE

Date: Sep 29, 2004

Well, at least Michael admits it . . . . .

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: educator
" Well, at least Michael admits it . . . . ."

What happened to the emoticon award? Was it abandoned when Googler seemed to have a perpetual lock on the trophy? Well, I hope not, because educator deserves it for this one!

Date: Sep 29, 2004

Guten Abend Herr Doktor Goebbels! I thought you might find the following list interesting:

Early Warning Signs of Fascism:

Powerful and continuing nationalism
Disdain for human rights
Identification of enemies/scapegoats as an underlying cause
Supremacy of the military
Rampant sexism
Controlled mass media
Obsession with national security
Religion and government are intertwined
Corporate power is protected
Labor power is suppressed
Disdain for intellectuals and the arts
Obsession with crime and punishment
Rampant cronyism and corruption
Fraudulent elections
(Lawrence W. Britt)

Here's USM's rating: 13 out of 15
Powerful and continuing nationalism (World Class!)
Disdain for human rights (locking people out of offices)
Identification of enemies/scapegoats as an underlying cause (Tim Hudson)
Supremacy of the military
Rampant sexism (Thames's history with women, Becky W. fired)
Controlled mass media (Varsity Voice)
Obsession with national security (Itech, computer seizures)
Religion and government are intertwined
Corporate power is protected (the Dome)
Labor power is suppressed (the Faculty Senate)
Disdain for intellectuals and the arts (Thames only cares about art when it is for self-aggrandizement, and intellect when it brings in $)
Obsession with crime and punishment (Glamser and Stringer)
Rampant cronyism and corruption (Dana Thames, etc.)
Fraudulent elections (PUC)

So, you've done extremely well but you've still got work to do in several areas. Thames needs to beef up the campus police force. Some spiffy new uniforms with knee-high boots would help. Golden eagle arm bands. Big guns. This leaves "religion and government are intertwined." How 'bout we rename the Danforth chapel after Shelby? We could have a special shrine built of polymers. I'm sure, in your great wisdom, you already have additional plans.

Date: Sep 29, 2004

Pardon me, how could I forget:

Identification of enemies/scapegoats as an underlying cause (faculty, AAUP, Hudson, etc.)

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: educator
" Well, at least Michael admits it . . . . ."

That poor man looks like he must have a stomach ailment. Maybe some peppermints would help.

Date: Sep 29, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Helga
"Guten Abend Herr Doktor Goebbels! I thought you might find the following list interesting: Early Warning Signs of Fascism: Powerful and continuing nationalism Disdain for human rights Identification of enemies/scapegoats as an underlying cause Supremacy of the military Rampant sexism Controlled mass media Obsession with national security Religion and government are intertwined Corporate power is protected Labor power is suppressed Disdain for intellectuals and the arts Obsession with crime and punishment Rampant cronyism and corruption Fraudulent elections (Lawrence W. Britt) Here's USM's rating: 13 out of 15 Powerful and continuing nationalism (World Class!) Disdain for human rights (locking people out of offices) Identification of enemies/scapegoats as an underlying cause (Tim Hudson) Supremacy of the military Rampant sexism (Thames's history with women, Becky W. fired) Controlled mass media (Varsity Voice) Obsession with national security (Itech, computer seizures) Religion and government are intertwined Corporate power is protected (the Dome) Labor power is suppressed (the Faculty Senate) Disdain for intellectuals and the arts (Thames only cares about art when it is for self-aggrandizement, and intellect when it brings in $) Obsession with crime and punishment (Glamser and Stringer) Rampant cronyism and corruption (Dana Thames, etc.) Fraudulent elections (PUC) So, you've done extremely well but you've still got work to do in several areas. Thames needs to beef up the campus police force. Some spiffy new uniforms with knee-high boots would help. Golden eagle arm bands. Big guns. This leaves "religion and government are intertwined." How 'bout we rename the Danforth chapel after Shelby? We could have a special shrine built of polymers. I'm sure, in your great wisdom, you already have additional plans. "

Ahhh, My Dearest Helga,

Though it deeply pains me to do so, I must point out two slight errors in your above missive...

First, we DO have Supremacy of the Military through our absolute, incontravertible control of the campus by means of our world-class Campus Security Farce. The Farce is the most heavily trained, expensively equiped, and highly motivated group of soldi... er, officers in the entire world, more than capable of enforc... er, insuring the security of our campus.

Second, we have implemented our new Religion & Government are Intertwined program through the use of our new weekly Messages from God to Shelboo address, printed on Friday's each week in The Varsity Voice. All faculty members, staff, and students are requir... er, requested to read these extremely important, life-changing messages as they are revealed weekly.

DM

Date: Sep 30, 2004

Danke Herr Doktor Mengela. I am gratified to learn that Southern Reich is 15 out of 15 and is a world-class fascist university. Heil Shelboo!

Date: Sep 30, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Helga
"Danke Herr Doktor Mengela. I am gratified to learn that Southern Reich is 15 out of 15 and is a world-class fascist university. Heil Shelboo!"

Helga,

After reflecting on Doktor Mengela's analysis of the Thames Reich, it seems appropriate to recall the words of General Obi Wan Kenobi:

"You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany."

Nuff said....

AE

Date: Sep 30, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Austin Eagle
" Helga, After reflecting on Doktor Mengela's analysis of the Thames Reich, it seems appropriate to recall the words of General Obi Wan Kenobi: "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany." Nuff said.... AE"

Uhhh, make that "villainy"....

AE

Date: Sep 30, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Miss Information
"That poor man looks like he must have a stomach ailment. Maybe some peppermints would help."

I always thought it was a hernia & not tummy troubles. Instead of peppermints, I think the ole boy needs a truss.

Date: Sep 30, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Invictus
" I always thought it was a hernia & not tummy troubles. Instead of peppermints, I think the ole boy needs a truss."

I'm getting confused. Who's the "ole boy" who needs a truss? Is it Shelby, or Michael Jackson, or Dr. Goebbels? Or all of the above?

Harkening back to the original subject of this thread, did anyone ever get to the bottom of the mysterious disappearance of Gurunuberg? Didn't he vanish at the same time Tim Hudson moved to Texas? Hmmmm.

AE

Date: Sep 30, 2004

The movement was advised not to cannibalize itself...

Date: Sep 30, 2004

Ahhh, my dear Austin Eagle, jew must be careful about vhat jew say and how jew phrase jour toughts deese days!

As a close, personal friend of Dr. Goebbels, I em in a position to know dat certain means of elektronik kommunication are under close scrutiny by de current reic... er, administration. De results of deese monitorings are shared troughout de upper levels of de administration, to include the enforcer... er, officers of de Campus Security Farce.

I em also avare dat deese officers haf taken an interest in jew and some of jour aktivities. I vould advise jew to be very kareful in the future.

In eny event, I tink dat it is safe to say dat, in de future:

De Farce vill be wit jew, always.

HDM