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USM Forum -- Message Board -> AAUP-USM MESSAGE BOARD -> USM Hot Dogs
Post Info TOPIC: USM Hot Dogs
The Gaseous Gourmet

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USM Hot Dogs
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This just in from the USM Department of Marketing and Public Relations--


Lisa Slay Mader, USM Marketing and Public Relations Director and Special Assistant to the President, has issued the following statement for immediate release: "We are very pleased with the world class hot dogs now being provided to faculty and students by our new contract food service vendor, Aramark.  These unique franks are a semi-synthetic product of the new research alliance between the Mississippi Polymer Institute and Sanderson Farms, a Jones County based private corporation. The USM trademark-protected manufacturing process utilizes discarded chicken parts and de-toxified paint manufacturing byproducts, along with polymeric binding agents to produce a perfectly great wiener.  Working as development partners in a public-private alliance forged through the tireless efforts of Mrs. Dr. Angeline Dvorak, J.D., President of the USM Research Foundation, secret wiener production commenced at a new state-of-the-art facility in rural Forrest County earlier this summer."  The official USM wieners are to be formally introduced by President Shelby F. Thames at the Golden Eagle Revelry faculty extravaganza, scheduled for M.M.Roberts Stadium on September 1, 2004. Mader, commenting on the results of double-blind taste tests of the new franks,  said "We are proud to have our wieners ranked among such nationally recognized names as Arnold's Kosher Franks, and the gold standard, Oscar Meyer Wieners."  Mader also announced that USM Golden Wiener Revelry Tee-Shirts will be provided to all faculty members at the stadium. Additional shirts may be purchased through the USM Research Foundation.



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Austin Eagle

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So who needs liberal arts programs when you're capable of producing world class wieners?  Watch out Mississippi State....


AE



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Amy

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quote:
Originally posted by: Austin Eagle
.."you're capable of producing world class wieners?"
Don't be envious of those USM hotdogs, AE. You live in Texas. As another poster said to you earlier today: everything's bigger in Texas.

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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: Amy
"Don't be envious of those USM hotdogs, AE. You live in Texas. As another poster said to you earlier today: everything's bigger in Texas."

Amy,


Let's see,  you mix discarded chicken parts, de-toxified paint by-products, polymeric binding agents and you get world class wieners?  Now that's what I'd call a real economic development initiative.  Due to, uhhh,  scheduling conflicts, unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the Golden Wiener Revelry (not that I was invited anyway). I do recommend a hearty prophylactic dose of Pepto-Bismol before sampling those polymeric franks. Enjoy.


AE



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Outside Observer

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Oh great...now weiners are making weiners...

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O.O.

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Dontcha just wish the Night Chalker was still around?!  He/she could really have some fun with this!!!

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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: O.O.
"Dontcha just wish the Night Chalker was still around?!  He/she could really have some fun with this!!!"

This may be just the thing that brings the legendary Night Chalker out of retirement, but then again, it's a pretty long drive from College Station to Hattiesburg.


AE



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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: The Gaseous Gourmet
"This just in from the USM Department of Marketing and Public Relations-- Lisa Slay Mader, USM Marketing and Public Relations Director and Special Assistant to the President, has issued the following statement for immediate release: "We are very pleased with the ..... perfectly great wiener.  "

A perfectly great wiener?  Ya gotta admit, Lisa certainly has a genius for the catchy phrase. Wonder if this will appear on the grocery store packaging?


Genuine USM Franks....Polymer Science in Action, Bringing You A Perfectly Great Wiener.


AE



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O.O.

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Actually, they could be very profitable...with all that polymer stuff in them, they probably don't need to be wrapped in plastic.

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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: O.O.
"Actually, they could be very profitable...with all that polymer stuff in them, they probably don't need to be wrapped in plastic."

O.O.,


You're probably correct. Those plastic wieners would likely have a shelf life of 10+ years, without refrigeration.  They could be sold as singles, with a little USM and the new Eagle (or is it a Chicken?)  logo burned into the side of each frank, like a brand.  Wonder if I could sell this idea to Mader and company, possibly even receive royalties for each wiener sold.


Seriously, I had a chemistry prof who's mission in life was to fight against food additives. As a case in point, he kept a package of Twinkies on his desk that were, when I was his student, well over 10 years old, and as fresh looking as the new packages in stores.  He would rant and tell us  there wasn't a single natural ingredient in a Twinkie, that this was part and parcel of the decay of modern society. Interesting theory, interesting symbolism.  Twinkies...YUK!


AE



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O.O.

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and they could put a little battery compartment in some and target a whole different market!

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Base Line

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quote:
Originally posted by: O.O.
"and they could put a little battery compartment in some and target a whole different market!"
You sound like the type that thought logorrhea was an STD...

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O.O.

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I was thinking about making them into flashlights...what did YOU think?

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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: O.O.
"I was thinking about making them into flashlights...what did YOU think?"

But of course O.O., or perhaps a little Taser gun, or a mini-cattle prod, or..... Uhhhh, where's Truth when we really need her?


AE



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O.O.

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Well, I think it's just a wonderful display of economic development emphasis that all these product ideas are pouring out....new hotdogs, flashlights, cattle prods, etc....

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Austin Eagle

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quote:
Originally posted by: O.O.
"Well, I think it's just a wonderful display of economic development emphasis that all these product ideas are pouring out....new hotdogs, flashlights, cattle prods, etc...."

O.O.,


Given the polymer science and economic development implications of this ground-breaking new product, perhaps it would be fitting to have a little bust or profile of Dr. Thames branded into the casing of each frank (rather than the USM Eagle logo). Isn't the big USM Golden Wiener Revelry scheduled for this afternoon?


AE



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O.O.

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That's an excellent idea!  Imagry is important!!  Food should look good as well as taste good...uh...are we accomplishing either of these???

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