L

LAB Lobby table < 1. table set up in the Lobby of USM’s Liberal Arts Building, run by the CSUSM; 2. distributes anti-Thames items, many of which are free-of-charge (thanks to some generous donors); 3. proceeds from the items that are for sale (e.g., t-shirts with quotes by either Noel Polk or Neil McMillen) go to the Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund; 4. Free-of-charge items include mock "USM For Sale" signs and Impeach Thames bumper stickers.

Lassen, Gregg < 1. currently the Vice President for Financial Affairs at USM; 2. formerly Dean of Graduate Business Studies at the University of Phoenix (online university); 3. "retired" lobbyist at the age of 40; 4. failed politician in Texas and Utah; 5. a PhD student in USM’s own world-renown program in Economic Development; 6. product of a Thames job search.

Lee, J. Charles < 1. President of Mississippi State University, Mississippi’s largest 4-year institution of higher learning (title held by MSU for 16 years prior, except for a couple of months in the Fall of 2003); 2. his IHL "colleague" and "friend" Shelby Thames stole his title of state’s largest university (see phantom students), though only for a fleeting moment in the Fall of 2003; Thames’ (see also Susan Siltanen) human error had revenue implications (potentially) for both schools (negative for MSU, and positive for USM) through "branding" or "marketing," not to mention IHL funding; 3. Memo to President Lee: watch your own back from now on; you might not get saved by The Student Printz next time, they’re already overworked covering the many facets of this image problem over at USM without having to take care of you too.

Let’s disband it < 1. statement made regarding the Faculty Senate at a recent USM Cabinet meeting; 2. according to Elliott Pood’s recollection (he was at the meeting), statement was made by "somebody" who "had some frustration"; 3. hundreds of people who weren’t at the meeting know by now that the "somebody" was Jack Hanbury, USM’s Risk Manager and university attorney, but Pood couldn’t recall who it was in an interview with Janet Braswell; 3. word on the street is that CBED Dean Harold Doty was the only person to speak out against Jack Hanbury’s idea during the cabinet meeting; 4. Lisa Mader indicated that the statement was made during "a discussion of how to improve communication campus wide" (one would guess that the Thames administration must be thinking that by eliminating the senate, there would be no need to communicate at all, thus "improving communication campus wide").

locksmith < 1. one who makes or repairs locks; 2. one of Shelby Thames’ most prized possessions; 3. a professional used heavily at USM by Shelby Thames and Jack Hanbury in preserving the integrity, credibility, and stability of USM.

Loftus, Jared < 1. former Hub SGA President; 2. Hub SGA president during the Thames administration and the subsequent crises that this administration became embroiled in (e.g., the Glamser-Stringer firings, etc., etc., etc.); 3. spent last weeks of term in office handling the ecoutrements for the Rahzel/Train concert in Reed Green Coliseum.

Lott, Trent < 1. U.S. Senator from Mississippi; 2. persistently mocks the Thames administration (in the media) for not getting the Economic Development Center off the ground; 3. word on the street is that the Center is about to be moved to Oxford.

LSU social science grad student < authored statistical report claiming that Thames’ scandals could cost USM over $25 million in tuition revenues/state subsidies over the next four years.

Lucas, Aubrey < 1. USM President preceding the Horace Flemming administration; 2. institutionalized the USM Faculty Senate, and let it "find its own level" (Neil McMillen); 3. will soon likely be, for the third time, USM President, and will use the occasion to even more solidify his important place in USM history.

lunch at McDonald’s < where USM sociology professor Frank Glamser ate lunch on December 11, 2003 — probably the last bread he ever broke in a state of peace (he returned from lunch to his office on campus to find, under his door, the anonymous envelope containing original, unmarked documents belonging in the Dvorak Variorum); 2. just weeks after this lunch, Glamser and his colleague Gary Stringer were summarily "Harrised" (see Anthony Harris).

Mader, Lisa < 1. android spokesperson, tows the company line; 2. got 14.4% raise this February for doing such a good job at it; 3. product of a Thames job search; 4. Axis Sally; 5. Tokyo Rose; 6. see also Darth Mader.

Mader, Lisa Slay < see Lisa Mader.

Mader’s List < Media: So Lisa, why are USM faculty leaving in such astounding numbers? Lisa: Our exit interviews suggest that many aren’t really leaving, they are just going off to work at other universities so those schools can get to know them and their families (and vice versa) and see what kinds of talents (former) USM faculty have to offer. They weren’t really looking to leave, but they are now going to work elsewhere. So in that sense numbers are misleading. Still, others have said that with the shake-up of Conference-USA — many of the teams are leaving for the Big East Conference and elsewhere — working here doesn’t offer the challenges it used to. Finally, a few have indicated that we haven’t broken up the campus and scattered its departments and colleges around town fast enough, so they’re leaving for other institutions. We indicated to those faculty that we are moving as fast as we can, but you can spend the $1.8 million savings from the university restructuring only so many times.

Mader math < 1. malleable mathematical operations used to more effectively flack for the administration you support; 2. e.g., enrollment grew by 4% from last fall to this fall, and it grew by 3% from last spring to this spring. In summary, our enrollment grew 7% this year.

Mahogany Bar < 1. bar connected to Crescent City/Purple Parrot; 2. watering hole frequented by the Dvoraks and the Hanburys (and Mader some times).

making a Kleinpeter of yourself < writing obnoxious letters to editors of widely-circulated newspapers extolling the virtues of despotic rulers and the practical arts institutions they "lead," misquoting U.S. Presidents in the process.

Malone, Ken < 1. currently Director of Business Venture Development, chair of the economic development department and Chief Operating Officer of USMGC (see job snowball); 2. brings polymer science degree and a wealth (or dearth?) of academic experience to the job of department chair of a department in the business college; 3. formerly worked under his major professor, Shelby Thames, while a PhD student at USM; 4. product of a Thames job search; 5. wife also works at USM (another product of a Thames job search); 6. tells job candidates who visit USMGC that he calls all the shots there and they will do what he says or not get the privilege of being asked to come and work there; 7. brags about how many people he’s fired since coming on board at USM; 8. see cronyism; 9. see nepotism; 10. known as "kenbot" to posters on geocities.com/fireshelby.

Martin, Chief Phillip < 1. Chief of the Mississippi Band of Choctaw Indians; 2. created scholarship program (in 1994) for Mississippi Choctaws attending USM; 3. in Fall of 2002, Chief Martin gave USM President Shelby Thames a handwoven basket in exchange for a golden eagle painting at a meeting where the two discussed the future of the program and increasing the number of participants (part of Thames’ goal to take USM enrollment to 20,000). "We pointed out to the chief the number of world-class programs we have on campus," Thames said after the meeting; 3. word to Chief Martin: don’t trust the white-man Thames.

Martin, Jim < 1. former USM Librarian (Head of Cook Library); 2. quietly forced out of his position early in the Thames administration.

matter concluded < 1. famous last words of Reuben Anderson on 4/28/2004 (see Glamser-Stringer hearings); 2. shout out to Justice Anderson: "not by a long shot..."; 3. memo to Justice Anderson: no quarter.

Maute, Nikki Davis < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes much deeper into USM crisis stories than her cohort Janet Braswell.

May 6, 2004 < National Day of Prayer.

May 27, 2004 < day that geocities.com/fireshelby was taken offline, and its participants migrated to the board at aaup-usm.org.

McCain, William < 1. USM President preceding Aubrey Lucas administration; 2. nicknamed "the General" for his iron-fisted leadership; 3. provided a leadership role model for Shelby Thames, during Thames’ formative years on the USM faculty.

McDuff, Rob < 1. ACLU lawyer assisting Michael Adelman in the defense of Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer during the Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. lawyer who had inflicted a cut over the right eye Shelby Thames and Jim Keith and who had them both staggering against the ropes when they were saved by the bell of Reuben Anderson; 3. basically had the Glamser-Stringer hearings in the bag with his opening statement, and would have eviscerated Shelby Thames on cross if given the chance.

McFall, Linda < 1. former VP of Financial Affairs at USM, now working in a similar capacity with the IHL Board; 2. former USM official who reportedly may soon drop a dime.

McKellar, Matthew Brady < 1. graduate student (costume design) at USM; 2. "unnamed student" in Shelby Thames’ testimony during the Glamser-Stringer hearings that was allegedly criticized by Gary Stringer in a private e-mail for being a "professional" student (i.e., for being around USM for 7 years). Thames claims Stringer’s statements, that came in response to a Clarion-Ledger interview with McKellar about the administration crises, was a violation of the Buckley Amendment. In a 5/4/04 letter to The Student Printz, McKellar pointed out that his presence on campus stems from the fact that he got a B.F.A. in Theatre Performance, and that he is completing work on an M.F.A. in Costume Design. He also pointed out in the letter that he believed Stringer’s comments were not inflammatory and were understandable (given the situation), and that he supports the position taken by Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer, not that of Shelby Thames.

McMillen, Neil < 1. retired USM professor of history; 2. outspoken critic of Thames administration; 3. eloquent speaker, a true wordsmith; 4. once a product of a national job search.

mid-year raises < 1. practice initiated by the Thames administration of giving raises in January instead of the beginning of the school year; 2. this practice makes it easier to conceal nepotism and cronyism, and allows for the secrecy that is necessary to "divide and conquer" the faculty (Neil McMillen quote).

Miller, Jimmy Jack < 1. Community College Member of the University of Kentucky Board of Trustees, 1995-1997; 2. . signed convoluted affidavit indicating that it was his belief that Angeline Dvorak’s resume contained no misstatement of fact and accurately described her employment status with the University of Kentucky; 3. affiant; 4. rumored to have played a bit part in Deliverance.

minion(s) < 1. an obsequious follower or dependent; sycophant; 2. term used by Noel Polk to describe the cabal surrounding Shelby Thames.

missing Chinese lab techs < 1. story that hit the street earlier in the Thames presidency, alleging that Thames summarily fired a large number of Chinese (and other Asian) lab techs working in the College of Science and Technology (with one stroke of the pen), reportedly for communicating with one-another in their native languages on the lab floor during work hours. Many complained, to no avail apparently, that they were not notified prior to their termination that there was an English-only rule in the labs.

Mississippi Business Journal < 1. pro-Dvorak/Thames fish wrapper; 2. published "interview" (see Lynne W. Jeter) with Angeline Dvorak that appeared more like a personal ad one would place with match.com; 3. its interview with Angeline Dvorak stated that Mark Dvorak had impeccable credentials to be USM’s Director of Human Resources, that faculty attempts to bar Angeline Dvorak from participating in tenure decisions were petty and unwarranted, and that signed affidavits (see Jimmy Jack Miller) proved Dvorak’s resume was clean as a whistle (i.e., not the least bit misleading); 4. business magazine, reportedly connected with the GodwinGroup and a long-time supporter of Angeline Dvorak, at least since her days with the Mississippi Technology Alliance.

Mississippi State University < 1. public, land-grant university in Starkville, MS, founded in 1878; 2. the largest university in the State of Mississippi, despite phantom students reported by Shelby Thames and USM (in the Fall of 2004).

Mitchell, Danny < 1. Chairman and CEO of GodwinGroup; 2. supporter of Shelby Thames; 3. believes, through his research, that USM’s brand remains "robust" even through the current crises (see William Gunther for study reaching the opposite conclusion); 4. recently created USM’s athletics slogan, "Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime," which was null and void on the day it debuted in the Fall of 2003 when Jackson State football players noticed the signs around M.M. Roberts stadium as they were warming up for the opening game of the season, and they reminded reporters covering the game that USM refused to sign a contract to come to Jackson’s Memorial Stadium and play the Tigers in a rematch. So much for Danny Mitchell’s market research.

Mixon, Bob < 1. Thames supporter, rumored to be a top candidate of Haley Barbour for nomination to the IHL Board in April of 2004 (source, The Independent); 2. rift between Mixon and Jim Payne supporters forced Barbour to select Robin Robinson instead.

Modern Paint & Coatings Magazine < 1. "bucket and paddle" trade publication; 2. named Shelby Thames Man-of-the-Year last year.

monitor campus events < what Angeline Dvorak told Lisa Mader (on 4/30/2004) she planned to do before deciding whether or not to sue Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer for challenging her credentials (see Dr. Dvorak & Mrs. Hyde).

Montague, Becky < 1. member of the USM Alumni Association Board; 2. wrote passionate and eloquent letter to state newspaper outlining the disastrous tenure of President Shelby Thames.

Moore, Chris < 1. Hub SGA senator who thought it a good idea to sponsor resolution in support of Angie Dvorak’s credentials and impressive resume; 2. he actually said to the media (paraphrase): who cares if she wasn’t a tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky, we didn’t hire her to be a faculty member, we hired her to be a vice president.

Moore, Cynthia < 1. current USM Associate Provost; 2. meteorically rose to prominence from a fashion merchandising faculty position to high-level administrator at USM; 3. Thames administration sweetheart.

mother of all questions < if the IHL yahoos and all the other external constituencies of USM believe that kicking the sh#% out of USM (through Shelby’s boot), and universities in general, is such a wonderful "business plan," then why isn’t any effort being put toward kicking the sh#% out of Ole Miss and State? (After all, USM has been gettin’ the sh#% kicked out of her for two full years now).

my most prized possession < 1. phrase coined by USM President Shelby Thames to describe how he feels about USM students. In fact, the students are the focus of every decision he makes. Students are so close to his heart that he claims each and every one as a dependent on his annual 1040 form.

name droppers < (secondary use of the phrase) pro-Thames letters-to-the-editor writers who hide behind the initials in their names (i.e., they drop their names in favor of their initials) to delay discovery of their identities (e.g., A.E. Griffing, C.E. Guice, M.J. Norton, H.G. Williamson, etc.).

Napoleon complex < 1. Napoleon’s name is often connected with overreaching military ambition and delusions of grandeur; 2. because Napoleon was short, overly aggressive men of short stature are sometimes said to have a "Napoleon complex" (The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, 3rd Edition, 2002); see Shelby Thames for classic case study.

national black eye < what USM financial donor Bobby Chain said that Shelby Thames’ leadership of USM has produced (5/1/04, The Hattiesburg American).

national job search < type of job search where resumes are sought from the best and brightest across the nation and the globe to fill an employment vacancy.

Naylor, Wanda K. < 1. Employment and Training Coordinator in the Human Resources Department at USM; 2. co-opted (with Shelby Thames’ permission, or maybe even at his insistence) the first meeting of the President’s University Council on 5/12/2004. What was hoped to be a 2-hour conversation between Shelby Thames and 18 USM constituents quickly turned into a 1.5-hour exercise in "team building," "role playing," and "trust forming" exercises/skits. Those Council members who did not get up and leave early reportedly regret not having done so.

Nazi uniform < 1. brown shirt uniform with swastika worn by USM President Shelby Thames in a picture that was photographed and published in a recent issue of The Chronicle of Higher Education; 2. poster of Thames in Nazi uniform created by Fire Shelby (see Fire Shelby’s interview with The Student Printz for story on the origins of geocities.com/fireshelby and Nazi uniform.

nebulous and misguided personal/outside counsel < Jack Hanbury’s characterization (see Hanbury Memo) of private lawyers hired by two USM Deans who advised these Deans to follow through on a Freedom of Information Act request by USM’s Faculty Senate regarding the 2004 mid-year raises (calling all local attorneys, is Jack Hanbury calling you (personally) a jackass? If he is, you should be "mad as hell," to borrow Bobby Chain’s phrase about e-mail surveillance).

nepotism < 1. favoritism shown or patronage granted by persons in high office to relatives or close friends; 2. see Dana Thames; 3. at USM (under Thames), it’s just our way of "helping people," after all that’s what "Southern Miss is all about" these days; [quote from Shelby Thames in April of 2004: "That’s what Southern Miss is all about — helping people."]

New York Yankees < 1. MLB team Angeline Dvorak tells everyone she pitched for from 1997-2000 (from Rob McDuff’s baseball analogy in his Glamser-Stringer hearings opening statement); 2. University of Kentucky.

Nicholson, Carl < 1. Hattiesburg resident, and IHL Board member; 2. staunch pro-Thames figure; 3. as things are slipping away from Thames and Nicholson’s term is ending, he thinks he can go quietly into the night now; 4. reportedly set up a (an ethically questionable) "Come home to Jesus" meeting between Shelby Thames and Robbie Ward in his business offices (meeting was said to have been thwarted by Thames’ scandals/public pressure); 5. supports Thames authority; 6. see IHL yahoo.

night chalker < 1. USM superhero, who began a sidewalk chalking (anti-Thames) campaign early in the morning of 5/4/2004; 2. anonymous anti-Thames fighter, who comes out at night to chalk slogans on USM’s sidewalks, then recedes into the darkness. Also uses cryptic poetry of his intentions/plans in order to needle the Thames administration.

1981 < 1. Monte Piliawski published Exit 13, the book about politics and corruption at USM; 2. USM Vice President for Research and Economic Development, Angeline Dvorak, was a teacher at Panama City Christian School (assuming her resume is accurate on this point); 3. Shelby Thames was dismissed as an administrator at USMGC by Aubrey Lucas, reportedly for incompetence and indiscretions (see bootyologist).

90% to 90% < reference to statement in his letter to the editor of The Hattiesburg American made by Roy Klumb that 90% of the on-campus letters he receives are against Shelby Thames, while 90% of the off-campus letters he receives are in support of Shelby Thames.

no quarter < 1. (wartime) phrase meaning "no accommodating the enemy"; 2. new rallying cry for anti-Thames forces. [guest Glossary entry by present professor]

no stone left unturned on Hardy Street < 1. statement made by Shelby Thames in the early part of his administration; 2. Thames statement indicating plans to transform USM into a vo-tech institute; 3. foot-in-mouth statement made by Shelby Thames inadvertently reminding USM faithful and the public of the Hardy Street High insult.

Norton, M. J. < 1. Melanie Norton, Associate Professor of Library and Information Sciences at USM; 2. member of the Faculty Senate who voted "no confidence" in Shelby Thames (see 40-0) in March of 2004, but shortly afterward felt sorry for doing so and wrote a letter to The Hattiesburg American stating her feeling that the issues were not black and white, and that Shelby Thames was not such a bad President; 3. consistently pro-Thames member of faculty (except for the one hiccup).

nose-shaped plaques < what David Perry is going to carve out of the shattered teaching award plaques from his one man demonstration (plaques will be mailed to each IHL Board member as desk-top paper weights and reminders to each IHL yahoo that he/she is a "clown" (Berry’s interview with WDAM).