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USM Forum -- Message Board -> AAUP-USM MESSAGE BOARD -> Lisa's first day on her new job
Post Info TOPIC: Lisa's first day on her new job
On the bus

Date:
Lisa's first day on her new job
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Former PR director at Wesley (FPR) tells Lisa Mader (LM) about her new job:


FPR: 'mornin' Lisa!  I hope you'll like the office.  I'm almost done clearing out my things . . . .


LM: It'll do until I can get something bigger.


FPR: They wanted me to fill you in on a few things before I leave.


LM: Shoot! (as my friend Toy would say . . . )


FPR: Well, I guess you've met Dr. Sewanee, the hospital president.  Basically you'll be working for him.  Your job will basically be to make him look good no matter what.  It's one of the things about the job I just couldn't take anymore.  I guess you know that he's not especially well liked by the doctors.


LM: Yeah, I heard that, but he's the boss, right?  What do the doctors know?  They oughta just shut up and do their jobs.  A day's work for a day's pay, right?  We don't want the inmates runnin' the asylum!


FPR: Whatever you say . . . .  Anyway, the doctors are concerned about a lot of things, but what really pushed them over the edge was the way he treated Dr. Roper and Dr. Graham.  Uh, Lisa, are you listening?


LM: Yeah, yeah . . . . I was just thinkin' I need a better view from this window.  So tell me more about Ripper and the other guy.


FPR: Well, Dr. ROPER is an internationally respected researcher who's brought a lot of prestige to the hospital, and Dr. Graham is a legendary teacher who's been here for years and is highly respected by the other doctors.  Both of them were a bit suspicious when Dr. Sewanee hired a woman wasn't really a physician to be assistant head of the hospital and to oversee the assessment of the physicians.  She used to be the head of medicine at the King Botchul Junior Medical College and 24-Hour Clinic in Toga-Toga, so Dr. Sewanee claimed she was qualified.


LM: Sounds qualified to me!  Besides, it's his call, for cryin' out loud!  He's the boss!


FPR: Well the doctors thought that a real physician ought to be the one in charge of evaluating physicians, so they began investigating her credentials . . . .


LM: You're kiddin', right?  I mean, you're freakin' kiddin'!!!  No WAY!!!!  Who the $%&* do they think they are (pardon my freakin' French). 


FPR: Well, a lot of us could really see their logic . . . .


LM: No freakin' WAY!!!!  Sewanee's the BOSS; he calls the shots.  Besides, he's pretty well qualified himself, ain't he?


FPR: Well, he did invent a whole new line of plastic furniture for hospital lobbies, but . . . .


LM: See what I mean!!!


TO BE CONTINUED . . .


 


 


 



__________________
ram

Date:
Permalink Closed

OTB--


Have you and See More thought about teaming up?  I'd buy stock in that venture.



__________________
Toy's Story

Date:
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quote:
Originally posted by: On the bus
" LM: Shoot! (as my friend Toy would say . . . )   "
Gut splitting!

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Hitch hiker

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: ram
"OTB--
Have you and See More thought about teaming up?  I'd buy stock in that venture."


Amen. This is absolutely brilliant. You and See More need to collaborate on a book. Oops. You might get fired.

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On the bus

Date:
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LM: So how did Sewanee handle Ripper and the other guy?


FPR: Well, he had them locked out of their offices; then he fired them.


LM: Big deal.


FPR: Well, remember: they were right in the middle of treating a lot of patients; he didn't even give them a chance to bring things to a tidy conclusion.


LM: Whoop-di-freakin'-do.  That's the least they deserved for disobeying a superior.  You just don't do that in business.


FPR: But this isn't exactly a "business"; it's a hospital.  It's supposed to operate according to slightly different standards than a dry cleaner's.


LM: Says who?  So then what happened?


FPR: Well, all the doctors got together and held a vote of "no confidence," which Sewanee lost by 90%.


LM: So what?  Let's cut to the chase: did he have he support of the State Hospital Authority?


FPR: Well, he certainly had the support of the Authority's President, Roy Climbed.  Roy claimed the doctors and their supporters were trying to "destruct" the hospital.  He also said he thought the doctors deserved some jail time.


LM: Damn right!  So how much time did they get?


FRP: Well, it didn't quite work out as Roy and Sewanee expected.  Roper's now at the Mayo Clinic, which snapped him up right away, and Graham is at a branch of the Johns Hopkins Medical Center.


LM: That's alright -- sounds like they weren't good enough for Wesley anyway. 


FRP: I forgot to mention: Wesley also had to promise to pay them two years' pay for NOT practicing medicine around here.


LM: Well, that makes sense; you wouldn't want to actually pay someone to come around here who'd comitted a serious crime, would you?  I mean, THAT would be stupid, wouldn't it?  Who would ever pull a bone-headed stunt like THAT?!?!?!?


FRP: Umm . . . .


TO BE CONTINUED . . .


 



__________________
Robert Campbell

Date:
Permalink Closed

I think this dialogue would go perfectly with a set of illustrations by See More.

Robert Campbell

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On the bus

Date:
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LM: Sounds like Sewanee's a kick-a$$ kind of guy; I think I'm gonna enjoy working for him.


FPR: Well, technically you DO work for the whole hospital . . .


LM: Yeah -- right!  Sheesh!  I wasn't born yesterday!


FPR: (aside): Yeah, I can see that . . .


LM: So when do I get to meet the broad from Toga-whatever?


FPR: She no longer works here.


LM: What?!  I thought you said she was the assistant President?!


FPR: Well, she "left" not long after the doctors; so did her husband and best friend, whom she'd brought with her from Toga-Toga and who had plum positions at the hospital.  Apparently it all became too much of an embarrassment even for President Sewanee.  They were all getting criticized constantly, so the President thought it would be best if they moved on.


LM: Jeez!  It sounds like a regular lynching!


FPR: Um, I've always tried not to use that kind of language.


LM: What are you?  Some kind of pansy?


 



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On the bus

Date:
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LM: So what's my first task?


FPR: Well, the President would like it to be known that this is the biggest hospital in the state.


LM: Right!  Gotcha!  Bigger is better!  Makes perfect sense!


FPR: Just one problem: we're not the biggest; in fact, we're starting to lose patients, and, with so many experienced doctors leaving, it looks like we may lose a lot more.  Plus all the controversy has really damaged us in the eyes of the public. 


LM: So how's Sewanee trying to cope?


FPR: Well, he gave his blessing to a big meeting recently of business leaders, a lot of whom have contracts with the hospital.  They think the doctors ought to just shut up and heal.  A day's healing for a day's pay. 


LM: "Heel" -- like a dog, right?


FPR: No, thats "H-E-A-L," but I can see your logic . . . .


LM: What else has he been doing?


FPR: Well, some of his buddies in the state legislature put together a resolution about the excellence of the plastic furniture; that's really his big claim to fame.


LM: Hey! -- without furniture, where would we be?  Speaking of which, this office is a dump.  It really needs some redecorating!  I might even try to get one of them old French-lookin' lamp posts put outside on the lawn right outside my window.  It would class this joint up a bit.


FPR: Be careful, though, because the doctors are all complaining that there isn't enough money for medical texts, so they don't understand how there can be enough money for lamp posts.


LM: You know, it sounds like this place would be a lot better off if it just weren't for all the d*** doctors!


FPR: But it's a HOSPITAL!


LM: Yeah -- like, you already SAID that!  I'm not deaf, ya know!


 


to be continued . . .



__________________
Physician Board

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: On the bus
" Roy claimed the doctors and their supporters were trying to "destruct" the hospital.   "
Destructing a hospital?  Sounds like pretty technical stuff.

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On the bus

Date:
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FPR: So, have you met President Sewanee yet?


LM: Yeah.  What's with the big phone book that he sits on?


FPR: Let's not get into that . . . .  What did he have to say?


LM: Well, he seems really worried about something called "probation." "Probation" this; "probation" that . . . it's all he wanted to talk about.  He seems really scared.  Is that one of those medical procedures where they stick some kind of 'scope in you?


FPR: No, it means that the regional hospital accrediting authority is threatening to take away the right of the hospital to remain open.  It's a really big deal; many people claim we're in this fix thanks to the President's incompetence.


LM: What does he claim?


FPR: It's somebody else's fault.  You'll hear that a lot around here.


LM: So what's he plan to do?


FPR: Well, for one thing, we're buying a plane for the hospital.


LM: Will that solve the probation problem?


FPR: No, but the President thinks it will be "fun" to have a hospital plane.  He's really a fun-loving guy.  Some people just wish he would retire so he could have even more fun.


LM: A plane really WOULD be neat!  You know what would also be neat?  Big banners everywhere, all over the place, talkin' about what a great hospital this is!


FPR: He already thought of that.


LM: How about a little cart he could ride around in to greet the patients?  That would be SO cool!


FPR: Already done.


LM: Crap!  This Sewanee guy's always one step ahead of me! 


FPR: He kind of prides himself on his "visionary thinking."


 


. . . to be continued



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Amy Young

Date:
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Brilliant!

Thanks for this!

Amy Young

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