Dear friends, although not Polymerv Griffin I am your Talk Show Host and it is once again PrimeTime for our weekly recognition of the pseudonym with distinction.  I would like to take exception to LVN's accusation that we don't practice shared governance with our People's Choice award, but Ted Jefferson, Thomas' more pragmatic brother would force us to agree with Stinky Cheese Man's statement I resemble that!  Nonetheless, to restore your faith that we are not Asleep at the wheel during the important competition, we let the legitimate voting stand this week.  Must be because the people made a good choice.  Quel Amusement! 

The scheduled lovefest to prop up Shelby Thames is a PR ploy, no doubt about it.  Doesn't matter how the organizers try to frame it, a thornbush by any other name .... The real issue, What is a university? is probably better answered by The Information Society than by A smooth talking man and his fellow Ignorant Topic Addressors.  ThereIsMoreToTheStory although they may not realize it until the Magic Bullet of accreditaion gives them reason to collectively shout "OOOOHHHH NNNOOO!"  You see, some in high places are Vocabulary Impaired and just don't seem to understand that all that technical stuff, including no undue political influence in academic decision-making, is important.  Are you planning to attend Thursday night's event?  Evidently, there will be a Seat Checker looking for private invitations.  This person with the Friendly Handshake, Smiley Face while asking May i see your ID, please? probably wouldn't restrict your admission to local medical and dental offices, copy centers, car dealerhips, and accounting firms in quite the same way.  Hmmm...
Just remember that when someone from that crowd asks you Buddy, can you spare a dime?  Your answer should be No Quarter, not now, not ever.

Meanwhile, Southbound and down at the coast with only 179 degrees, we have not quite made a Research Triangle.  What can you expect when there is a Bounced Reality Check from an overdrawn university?  Tinyfish better be careful when swimming with the sharks down here.  Pluto's collar would be a little more effective if we could up the shock voltage.  We worry that a certain administrator has Gone Coastal but then we remember that, fortunately from an intellectual standpoint, The Tide is Out.

Speaking of Mental Midgets, one's Absence is Worth a Thousand Words.  It appears that the faculty senate meeting was the site of another no-show. The Rocky Horror Opening Credits indicated there would be a necessary agenda change.  Although there was no FS resolution this week, had there been one, it might have read "Real Men may eat Quiche but they certainly don't talk about lynching reporters."  It's not just North of the Mason-Dixon Line where people will take umbrage to this latest outrage.  Even an Old ole boy and proud of it thinks the comments were not worthy of a Sparkplug.  Do you think Laughing Boy is still having fun?

To answer the all important question Were you lying then or are you lying now? we rely on a loose translation of Joker's words, if the lips of any in this administration are moving, then they're lying. We're not sure any amount of dewberry brandy can treat the current Staff Infection at USM. There's a fear of the Spanglish Inquisition where too many are being burned at the stake.  There is still a Whole lot of teaching going on because Physics is essential at USM, but...  Academics know that it doesn't have to be this way.  The Poet's nemesis, Dr. Pangloss, is creating this Horror on Hardy Street.  Miss I thinks that it's a Low Down Dirty Shame that the Moral Pygmie and the Immoral Pygmie alike think that they can talk about Jessie's girl that way.  Miss I, an AARP Member, is getting hard of hearing.  "It's H-O-R-R-O-R", Invictus explained.

Robert Campbell provided the framework for knowing whether You're Thamesed.  If you find yourself reCaining Chairs, in the middle of a Paperchaze, or feeling like a Million Dollar Baby in a Five-and-Ten Cent Store then you have probably been InThamidated.  If so don't get a Frowny Face because like Brooks and Donne, you're in good company.

Chug, chug, chugging along to the conclusion of this week's Nom d'Apolmb competition, the committee on sobriguet superiority wishes that it had a Black & Gold Plaque to give to the men we remember fondly this week, Dr. Gary Stringer and Dr. Frank Glamser.  In this order SG also stands for shared governance, thanks Truth!  We won't say Bye Bye Y'all until we award this week's prestigious tribute to Padlocks R Us a fitting name to commemorate this anniversay.  As always, the winner may redeem the suitable for framing certificate at the usual place where the IT director will link to later today.