FOUNDER AND ARCHBISHOP OF THE SHELBY F. THAMES EVANGELICAL ASSOCIATION, DEDICATED TO THE PROPAGATION AND GLORIFICATION OF ALL THINGS SHELBY.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

As you know, the past year has been a hellacious one for the SFTEA.  The demonic forces have been abroad in the land, raising their ungodly demands for shared governance, SACS accreditation, respect for academic integrity, and a return to a higher tier status.  Satan has stirred the pot of trouble on our campus -- yea, he has concocted a veritable gumbo of deceit -- and some weak-kneed backsliders have even begun to question the teachings of The Good Book (I Am That I Am: The Autobiography of Shelby Freland Thames, available for a donation of $75 for the gold-embossed autographed edition, with the "sayings" of SFT highlighted in red).  I assure you, however, that with the assistance of Deacon Klumb I intend to stay the course and not submit to the assaults of these Satanic minions and their lickspittle hangers-on.  I assure you that I intend to do constant battle with the forces of Beelzebub (or, since this is Southern Mississippi, Beelzebubba), but I need your help.  For a "love gift" of a mere $150 you can receive a black-and-gold prayer cloth that has been blessed both by me and by Brother Roy (don't mind that speck of chili sauce in the corner), and for an additional "love gift" of $300 I will send you the precious 3-minute CD called "The Wisdom of Shelby Freland Thames," in which I lay out my vision for USM for the next millenium.  That vision, of course, includes a USM free from the forces of The Evil Ones -- a USM that will soon have its Polymer Worship Park as well as an All Things Great and Shelby Celebration Center.  With your support (and your tax-deductible love gifts), we can continue to to put USM on the map and continue to make it a school unlike any other.