Another week filled with rumors, gossip, trolls & off-the-wall aliases. One might suspect that the committee sees Too many names--still a hostage. But we won't Grouse about it. It gives us a chuckle & we remain Not InTHAMidated by the creativity of the folks who post here. These missives are getting pretty hairy to construct. Perhaps we should hire a Pulp fiction artist to write 'em for us!

Invictus says, "I'm just a little man off-campus, but I'm Grateful for where I went to school, which is why all this pains me so much."

This week's big news item, of course, was the groundbreaking for the Economic Development building, which attracted a Mississippi Business Reporter or two. Although it's East of the Rock, West of the Hard Place, the facility is really Just two blocks from Polymer Science. It will be a fine place for a hand full of "executive" graduate students to play the numbers game & it is positioned to be a wonderful billboard for the Senator. It looked for a while like the whole project might go Back of the drawing board, but the ground's been broken As Advertised. Nevertheless, it remains a House of Mystery -- what is really going to go on in there? Will it be just a big EDysfunction? The signs advertising Position Open: No Experience Required will probably go up soon. Times are tough, so we may see a Monkey with tin cup gathering funds for this white elephant, while everyone else faces a Hard Candy Christmas.

It was reportedly quite a shindig. But then, What would you do with 100 autographed pics of SFT besides Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun, find a Barbershop Quartet from Skokie, IL & hire Mel & the Party Hats. Party Hardy (High)!

little morphine annie challenges anybody's drug & alcohol policy & certainly a lot of folks think that Better Living Through Chemistry is Distasteful!!! They're Free to Be Bilious if they wish to PresstheMatter. The Ad Hoc Committee reminds everyone that "Crisp & Clean & No Caffeine" is always healthier.

It took a bit of explaining by Mal & Vic before Miss Information understood that Enzyte for Men wasn't an antacid. But you can still wash it down with Ozarka Water. Once her shock wore off, Miss I chalked it up to Learning in retirement, which given her tendency to be a Goody Goody, gave us all a big laugh.

You don't have to be a Literary guy to understand that the Golf Ball/Garden Hose Euphemism is crude, but Miss I had never heard that joke, so Vic managed to slip it into the line up of nom-inations.

The board lost a long-time contributor this week, as Soup Lady's Personal Assistant informed us. But several new "ladies" arrived on the scene, including gravel gertie (presumably the patron saint of the west-side parking lots) & the stubborn Deaf Nell (presumably the "ear" that the administration turns to the faculty), who keeps yelling "Can you hear me now?" And of course, the incomparably elegant Monique de Guerre appeared this week sporting one of the best, downright punny aliases in quite a while.

Folks are wondering if Worker Comp Board will pay for injuries caused by a boot to the head. Until we have a med school, Belly Button Slip Knots won't be a job hazard.

We are now hunkered down in Fort Apache, the 'Burg waiting for something to happen. Well, nobody on the Committee is saying, "I've lost all respect for the Graduate Council," but folks who question certain administrators' tenure & promotions might utter those words. It's all a Logical extension of things that were happening a year ago & while the trolls may think that have an axe to grind, it's difficult to argue that SACS is operating with Flawed Criteria.

We believe, though, that vox populi is a pretty good way to select the weekly award recipient. And the people didn't let us down this week (despite the usual blatant ballot-stuffing), selecting an alias that sums up what a lot of us think when we set foot on the USM campus -- we're in Surreal surroundings. The lucky winner may pick up his/her suitable-for-resumé-padding certificate at the usual place.