Dear Board Buddies: I have truly missed all of you. My great grand-niece is a lovely young woman but not a Dietician for sure. A month of her epicurean specialties with only Half the calories of regular bread was enough for me. Let me thank Malapropism and Invictus for satisfying the Inquisitive and keeping the award going in my absence. Let me also apologize to you, Dear Readers, for their Improprieties. I am back now and will be ruling with my velvet-gloved iron fist. (It is really a titanium wrist after my last surgery but you catch my meaning.) The other ladies at the missionary society call me the Bionic Blue Hair.

Without further ado, grab your cup of coffee, spike it with some dewberry brandy if you like, and let's begin to sort through the Things that make you say HMMMM about this University Business. It was another week of Real Questions, No Answers. The two questions that raised the most concern were Who Do You Trust and IHL_are_you_listening?. On a couple fronts, False Hopes were raised and posters felt that there was a Bait and Switch going on. Reminds us to walk a mile in each other's shoes and not go chasing a False Profit.

The 2nd weekly People's Choice award has confirmed the popularity of the Hybrid Delivery Model. It has turned out to be quite popular because it tends to make this a more Level playing field. Floyd the Barber has as much chance of winning as the Empress of Grammar. Speaking of royalty, looks like there is someone who isNot a king but always in court. Nothing ever came of suggestions for yet another contest (and with all the new on-line voting polls offered by the Elections Monitor who has the time?) but the list of new Shelby nicknames continues to grow. "Shleezy" was the committee's favorite.

Although SACS apparently looks askance at new on-line programs being launched while the university is under probation regarding its current distance programs, yet another one has been initiated. For those interested in Diggin' 'round looking for Dirty Polymers there is a new concentration called Publicize This. Evidently, it's an interdisciplinary thing which may be code for Who's in charge? . It has a prerequisite of Geography 101 and part of the pre-enrollment challenge is for students to discover where that course is now actually being taught. Linear Egression is the class that's going to provide the greatest challenge for students and their professors, especially for those who learned it the old way in conjunction with Arrow's Impossibility Theorem. Field trips to Moss Point will be organized by REA's Spouse, who recently received her PhD in Boondoggles and is, of course, One of our own identified through an extensive two-week national search chock full of Credentialling Experts from Customer Service 'R' Us.

The announcement of the Come Fly With Me search for a new dome pilot prompted criticism from many who Like to Lurk on this website. A Fact Checker from Columbia will be analyzing references so that Shelby can hire a world class pilot for his personal Receding Airline. He's seeking one who is capable of flying Up in the air, upside down while not getting tangled up with a Bird on a Wire in order to avoid a Rectus Abominus. In the relentless campaign to further reduce costs at the university, it is hard to believe that the little man in the dome could not Fly 4 Less commercially.
Most of us continue to believe that We shall overcome, but... the strain is definately showing. The committee was too fatigued to figure out the messages surely hidden in Gnome Orb Pull Schist and
Gnome Orb Pull Spit. Perhaps someone else could call upon Anna Graham for assistance. With all the talk about Custer, remember that a Last Stand is coming and we need to Figure it out before that day of Summary Judgement. We are Up too late at night Helplessly Hoping that the Frozen Position we worked so hard to justify won't be permanently transferrred to one of Shelby's Pet Programs.

As always, this week's winner works on a number of levels. If Mal takes up one more committee meeting talking about layers, Vic and I are going to send her to the set of Shrek 3. The Human Genome project was a wonderfully collaborative effort by a community of scientists despite the cynical predictions of Diogenes. A clever poster's play on this use shows that indeed Shelby just "doesn't get it". So, without further ado, a Bluegrass musician named Johnny Cache will open for headliner Nelson Nomenclature and his Orchestra as we ceremoniously award the 2nd weekly People's Choice Nom d'Aplomb award to The USM Gee-gnome Project. As always, the suitable for framing award can be picked up here.