[Editor's Note: I hope this works. - DOTSRM]


As always, most folks on the board this week have been Wondering if all the university's problems really are Fixable. Plenty of Underpaid Profs & Alum Observers remain Perplexed about the future of the school. Posters have drifted in from another IHL school to sympathize. Even I am Scratching My Head. And the lurkers don't post, because I Am Curious Yellow.

Those of us who aren't USM employees can only imagine what it's like to work in the midst of such a Fruit basket turn over, dreading the next foray of the contract-tenure Grimm Reaper. It must be a drag to have to carry on when All publicity seems to be negative. No doubt those folks feel like a Whirling Dervish.

One popular sport at USM seems to be playing nostalgia games. We hear a virtual Historical Register of thing past. This week it went to extremes with folks pointing out that the IHL board seemed to respect William D. McCain more than it does Shelby Thames! You can Add to that...or subtract, but it's how it looked to me. It's weirder than anything Rod Serling might've cooked up!

Even the basketball team is In descent & we don't need an ESPN Announcer (or the road crew -- Brad Soderberg's Equipment Manager & Mark Gottfried's Equipment Manager) to know that. But not to worry: there may be a new "spectator sport" on campus soon anyway, or so Hugh Hefner's Investment Advisor leads us to believe. That is, unless Bob Guccione shows up first & with a more Indecent Proposal for the AACSBun photos. This will depend on whether Larry's Social Secretary can hold off the NCAA Investigator & the NCAA Investigator's Proofreader long enough for the administrative Krewe of USM to decide which One of the "Girls of SACS Probation" has the Prettiest party dress

The Gunter Library remained a hot topic this week, along with privatization & outsourcing. Should we stand in the way of the Community Development Planner? If things keep up, USM will have to publish its own Shopper's Advisor. An important question, though, is how long it will be before the administration installs pay toilets across campus to generate a little Johnny Cash (Flow).

And now we switch to our roving reporter, Live from East Hattiesburg, where the Rev. Fairley is as close as you get to a fat cat. The politicos are lining up for the mayor's race & more than one of them are Lick"n My Chops over the prospects of widening the town'n'gown divide.

Remember folks, if we have an Evesdropper working Deep Under Cover, The Shelby probably has an Info Sponge Bob, too. And Pileum is always there as his Internet Police force. "Whoa Nelly!" you may say. But disbelief Never Will overtake reality. Gnomemeansgnome & that's all that it means.

On the governance front, it seems the board has turned deaf ears to USM again. It's always easier to Look away, Dixie Land, than to tackle an unpleasant chore. It's time somebody explained to them what their inaction is doing. Shelby is running the university like a Bad Business, isn't that obvious? His problem is simply that the left hand don't know what the left hand be doing & he likes it that way. It doesn't hurt to appoint your own Robin Leach to drain resources. But it's Like pulling teeth to get the board to acknowledge that USM exists, much less that it has a problem. It doesn't take a poly-math or G. Washington's Strategic Advisor to figure these things out. Opthalmologists don't always need Optics to have a little vision. The answer isn't difficult but it will take more than an initials fixer to implement it.

Lisa, meanwhile, can always claim that Shelby Mader Do It. And we won't worry about the PseudoNym(pho) for the moment.

On the social front, fiddling continues while Rome burns. The hot act in town is just a Red Neck Girl singing with Country Clyde sitting in on Blues Bass. Their favorite tune is about Crawfishin'.

This week's People's Choice Award winner is an alias that exemplifies the long-standing traditions of relevance, double entendre & scholastic cleverness. We are proud to announce that, through the miracle of shared governance, this week's winner is Domesday Book. The award certificate is available in the usual place.