all your VP-level administrators refer to your President as "Boss..."

your Physical Plant's warehouses are stocked full of employee time (punch) clocks, ready for installation at a moment's notice...

your President's residence is a multi-family dwelling, housing both he/his family and that of your (former) VP of Research and her family....

your library serves libations instead of books and academic journals....

your President gets exasperated at the lack of audience response to the football cheers he's leading at your university's commencement exercises....

your President pronounces 'business' as 'bidness'.....

your President refers to all male faculty as "Dr." and all female faculty as "Mrs./Ms."....

after your President unethically tries to fire two distinguished, tenured professors, all your alumni can say about it is "You da man!".....

your football team plays most of its games on Thursday/Friday nights, right there in the middle of the high school football scene....

you are about 100 years old and all of your athletic traditions are brand new and are the directive of a university press release emanating from the Public Relations office.....

your Presidents refers to his favorite (now former) administrative officer as "that lady..".....

your President uses his administrative offices to mix paint and work on other "garage-day Saturday" projects.....

your leaders thought SACS was the name of a military surplus store out on the highway (next to the local military installation)....

your President and his Public Relations staff are doing constant battle about what name people call you in public settings (e.g., USM, Southern Miss, Southern...?)......

your President's response to a Tier drop in the US News rankings is "We didn't know that magazine ranked universities..."

there is a significant correlation between your President's family tree and your own organizational chart.....

your new faculty orientation lunch is the buffet at Barnhill's.....

your President signs an order disbanding your EEOC office while gazing out of the window of his office at a Confederate battle flag waving in the wind.....