Sir or Madam:

At the behest of President Thames, I monitor this message board regularly. I find your attempt at humor both disrespectful and offensive.  Dr. Thames is a man of dignity and not inconsiderable humility. He bears no resemblance whatever to this mythical "Cornpone" character, and your comparison of the two is most inappropriate.   While Dr. Thames maintains a jolly good humor about himself, be advised that any further attempts to mock him or sully his reputation will elicit an appropriate response.

Sincerely,

Joseph Goebbels

USM Minister of Truth

cc: Hanbury & Dvorak, LLP.