Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
 
USM Forum -- Message Board -> AAUP-USM MESSAGE BOARD -> transcript of SFT's phone call to USNWR
Post Info TOPIC: transcript of SFT's phone call to USNWR
friend of FCC staffer

Date:
transcript of SFT's phone call to USNWR
Permalink Closed

A good friend of mine is a staffer at the FCC.  He got a copy of the transcript of a phone call Shelby placed to the USNWR people to gather info on USM's fall from grace.  Here it is:


USNWR Staffer: Hello, USNWR, America's Best College Division, how may I help you?


SFT: Yes, ..uh, this is Shelby..


USNWR Staffer: Shelby who?


SFT: ..uh..Shelby F. Thames..


USNWR Staffer: Listen, sir, if you're calling to place a subscription to our news magazine, then I need to transfer you to that division...


SFT: No, uh...I need to speak with someone about the 2005 rankings of universities...


USNWR Staffer:  Okay, sir.  Go ahead, I can take this call.  What school are you referencing?


SFT: uh....Universitay a Suthe'n Miss'ippi...


USNWR Staffer:  Let me look them up...I guess that would be in the America's Regional colleges and universities category...


SFT: No, no...we're a national, Carnegie I Research extensuv University....


USNWR Staffer:  Sir, to make this quicker, do you know the tier designation...?


SFT: Yes, I just heard you have us at Tier 4, and that's what I'm calling 'bout.


USNWR Staffer:  Yes, I see it now.  Looks like you were Tier 3 last year, but your full-time faculty proportion fell, as did your grad rate and some other variables.  You also failed to submit info on how many of your undergrads hang around on the weekend and data on your alumni giving rate.  All this means you fell to Tier 4 --- looks correct to me, sir.


SFT: Now hang on a minute...About the data you said was never turned in...Who was s'posed to do that?


USNWR Staffer:  I don't know, sir.  At most places we hear from the institutional research division...


SFT: I see...We don't have one of those...If you don't get it from them, it would usuallee have to come from the Provost's office, right sir?


USNWR Staffer: Not always, Mr. Thames.  It can also come from a variety of other sources, such as the Public Relations department...


SFT: Okay then, I see.  Well now, let me ask you this, if it didn't come from PR, wouldn't it have to come frum the Provost?


USNWR Staffer: Not necessarily, sir.  Just what are you asking, Mr. Thames?  And by the way, may I ask who you represent?


SFT: I'm the presudent of Suthe'n Miss, sir.  I'm not askin' anuthing. So, alls I have to do is fill out the forms and send um in next year?


USNWR Staffer:  That's right, sir?


SFT: And when ya'll get um, you don't check um, right?


USNWR Staffer:  We have auditors and facts checkers, sir, but they will invariably miss something here and there.  Except I see hear that USM has been designated "red flag" ...


SFT: What duz that mean, sir?


USNWR Staffer:  That's an in-house designation we give universities and colleges that have publicly lied about vital institutional statistics, such as enrollment, etc., in the past..


SFT: I see, uh...Let me get my new Provost to call ya'll back, okay sur?


USNWR Staffer:  Sure.  You have a good day, Mr. Thames.


SFT: Thank you sir, gud-bye.



__________________
Mal

Date:
Permalink Closed

Invictus - help!  Obviously someone has pirated our exclusively licensed Windtalkers program.  I am not buying the FCC routine.


 



__________________
Invictus

Date:
Permalink Closed


ROTFLMFAO!


There should be a weekly award for funniest post! This one would be a

__________________
Invictus

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Mal
"Invictus - help!  Obviously someone has pirated our exclusively licensed Windtalkers program.  I am not buying the FCC routine.
 "


I think this is entirely possible with the open source public domain version of WT. I don't think anything proprietary is needed from the good people in Elgin, Illinois, produce such a simple recording. Decoding the Shelbyese might be another matter, though ... but really anyone with an English-to-Ross-Barnett translating dictionary can do that.

__________________
Mississippian in Exile

Date:
Permalink Closed


quote:




Originally posted by: Invictus


"an English-to-Ross-Barnett translating dictionary can do that."



Invictus, how does a guy like you whose degree was evidently not in the traditional liberal arts have such a vast knowledge about some things that most students and even faculty probably don't know the foggiest about? First you mentioned Hugh White's old BAWI program and now you mention Ross Barnett. I have noticed numerous other such references in your various postings.

__________________
Lost in Space and Translation

Date:
Permalink Closed

Invictus rocks! 


Who wants to join the Invictus Fan Club? I want to be the President.



__________________
Emma

Date:
Permalink Closed

I want to be Invictus's most important assistant. I want to be his Risk Manager.

__________________
Bob Dylan

Date:
Permalink Closed

I am Invictus's #1 fan!

__________________
Invictus Road Manager

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Bob Dylan
"I am Invictus's #1 fan!"


<DENNIS WEAVER IMPERSONATION>
Mr. Dylan! Mr. Dylan!
</DENNIS WEAVER IMPERSONATION>

Would you like a bootleg of Invictus' studio outtakes? I believe he has all of yours



__________________
Invictus

Date:
RE: RE: RE: RE: transcript of SFT's phone call to
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Mississippian in Exile
"Invictus, how does a guy like you whose degree was evidently not in the traditional liberal arts have such a vast knowledge about some things that most students and even faculty probably don't know the foggiest about? First you mentioned Hugh White's old BAWI program and now you mention Ross Barnett. I have noticed numerous other such references in your various postings."


Umm... I guess the answer is that I took Mississippi history in the 9th grade. Or as Mr. Dylan sang right after the G&S hearing: "Only one thing I did wrong, stayed in Mississippi a day too long."

And oh yes, in case anybody from the RIAA reads this board, I don't own a single Bob Dylan bootleg outtake session or concert show, not a single one. Nary a tape, CDR or mp3. None. Nada. Zilch. SASE for trade list.

__________________
truth4usm/AH

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Invictus
" Umm... I guess the answer is that I took Mississippi history in the 9th grade. Or as Mr. Dylan sang right after the G&S hearing: "Only one thing I did wrong, stayed in Mississippi a day too long." And oh yes, in case anybody from the RIAA reads this board, I don't own a single Bob Dylan bootleg outtake session or concert show, not a single one. Nary a tape, CDR or mp3. None. Nada. Zilch. SASE for trade list. "

Invictus, quite simply, you rock. 


Truth, Invictus' other #1 fan besides Bob Dylan



__________________
truth4usm/AH

Date:
RE: transcript of SFT's phone call to USNWR
Permalink Closed

And, Friend of FCC staffer, you rock extra hard! 


I'm ROTFLMAO after a very long day of work and classes.  THANK YOU!!




__________________
Mr. Wonderful

Date:
Permalink Closed

Ahemmm. Now, now, ladies. Don't crowd Invictus. I might have an opening on my staff too.

__________________
Luna (#1 Groupie)

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Mr. Wonderful
"Ahemmm. Now, now, ladies. Don't crowd Invictus. I might have an opening on my staff too."
Yeah, you might. I'm thinking of joining the Invictus love fest myself.

__________________
Mr. Wonderful

Date:
Permalink Closed

quote:
Originally posted by: Luna (#1 Groupie)
"Yeah, you might. I'm thinking of joining the Invictus love fest myself. "
The night shift, Moonbeam, the night shift. I had the others in mind for the night shiftand no vacations such as you take.

__________________
Let Freedom Ring

Date:
Permalink Closed

Thank you, Friend of FCC Staffer!  This was priceless!!!

NO QUARTER!!!

__________________
Retired prof

Date:
Permalink Closed

I agree. This post made me laugh out loud - the kind of laugh that makes you glad you don't have a mouthful of coffee!  Thanks, FCC pal.



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
USM Forum -- Message Board -> AAUP-USM MESSAGE BOARD -> transcript of SFT's phone call to USNWR
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard