Press Release - USM Forum -- Message Board

Date: Sep 3, 2004

Press Release

Date: Sep 4, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Lisa Mader
"FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE In a cost-cutting move, the University of Southern Mississippi will reduce its staff by shutting down the physical plant. "We believe this reorganization will make us more efficient and effective," Southern Miss spokeswoman Lisa Mader said Friday. "Our faculty members support service learning, and will be organizing teams to empty trashcans, clean floors and windows, do landscaping, and make minor repairs to campus facilities." Mader noted that plumbing emergencies will be outsourced, if they are within the University's budget. "USM is a family," stated President Shelby Thames. "And in a family, everyone (except Dana) has their own chores to do. Anyone who refuses their assigned maintenance responsibilities will be asked to give back their $400 allowance." Faculty members who show world-class cleaning abilities will be rewarded with used physical plant t-shirts. Thames acknowleged that many long-time USM employees will be loosing their jobs, but said he was sure that they would make a positive economic impact looking for work in the Hattiesburg community."

The following is a supplement to the earlier press release issued by Lisa Mader:

USM President Shelby Freeland Thames, choking back tears, today announced that his daughter, Dr. Dana G.Thames, in an act of extraordinary largesse, had voluntarily returned her $400 raise to the university's general fund. President Thames averred that in his 40 years at Southern Miss, "my Dana's generosity is without precedent, truly world class, and illustrates her willingness to endure significant economic hardship for the good of our beloved university". Dr. Thames, wrought with emotion, was unable to complete the interview, and was escorted from the press room by his new Minister of Public Relations, Dr. Joseph Goebbels.

Goebbels later commented that President Thames was hopeful his daughter's selfless behavior would serve as an exemplar for the few remaining USM faculty members. Speaking of USM's primary mission, economic development, Goebbels said "Imagine the economic multiplier effect if all faculty and staff decided to follow Dana's example and return their raises to the university coffers. Concerning this possibility, he quoted Thames as saying 'It'd be like a gol dang nucular reaction.' " Goebbels declined to answer additional questions, referring inquiries to his associate, Ms. Mader.

Date: Sep 4, 2004

"In the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie. There's only expedient exaggeration."

North By Northwest

Date: Sep 4, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Dr. Joseph Goebbels
" The following is a supplement to the earlier press release issued by Lisa Mader: USM President Shelby Freeland Thames, choking back tears, today announced that his daughter, Dr. Dana G.Thames, in an act of extraordinary largesse, had voluntarily returned her $400 raise to the university's general fund. President Thames averred that in his 40 years at Southern Miss, "my Dana's generosity is without precedent, truly world class, and illustrates her willingness to endure significant economic hardship for the good of our beloved university". Dr. Thames, wrought with emotion, was unable to complete the interview, and was escorted from the press room by his new Minister of Public Relations, Dr. Joseph Goebbels. Goebbels later commented that President Thames was hopeful his daughter's selfless behavior would serve as an exemplar for the few remaining USM faculty members. Speaking of USM's primary mission, economic development, Goebbels said "Imagine the economic multiplier effect if all faculty and staff decided to follow Dana's example and return their raises to the university coffers. Concerning this possibility, he quoted Thames as saying 'It'd be like a gol dang nucular reaction.' " Goebbels declined to answer additional questions, referring inquiries to his associate, Ms. Mader."

How could one not be moved two tiers by Dana Thames' unselfish giving. We can scarcely bear the thought that she may now be unable to pay her electric bill, or fill the tank of her Lexus, or pay for Cosmopolitans at the Mahogany, or even enjoy a much needed therapeutic getaway to Cabo San Lucas. We of the USM family cannot allow one of our own to suffer so.

In order to cushion any hardship brought about by Dana's gift, a "Save Dana Thames" endowment account has been established at the Bank of Mississippi. Donations will be accepted at any branch. Won't you join with us in contributing generously on her behalf? Donors contributing at the $100 level will receive a "Save Dana Thames" tee-shirt or baseball cap, $500 contributors will be honored guests at a private reception to be held at the President's home, and $1,000 benefactors will be awarded seats on the prestigious President's University Council. So please, open your hearts and checkbooks, and give to this worthy cause. Give today. Thank you for your support and understanding.

Save Dana Thames Committee

Date: Sep 4, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Tiers On My Pillow
" How could one not be moved two tiers by Dana Thames' unselfish giving. We can scarcely bear the thought that she may now be unable to pay her electric bill, or fill the tank of her Lexus, or pay for Cosmopolitans at the Mahogany, or even enjoy a much needed therapeutic getaway to Cabo San Lucas. We of the USM family cannot allow one of our own to suffer so. In order to cushion any hardship brought about by Dana's gift, a "Save Dana Thames" endowment account has been established at the Bank of Mississippi. Donations will be accepted at any branch. Won't you join with us in contributing generously on her behalf? Donors contributing at the $100 level will receive a "Save Dana Thames" tee-shirt or baseball cap, $500 contributors will be honored guests at a private reception to be held at the President's home, and $1,000 benefactors will be awarded seats on the prestigious President's University Council. So please, open your hearts and checkbooks, and give to this worthy cause. Give today. Thank you for your support and understanding. Save Dana Thames Committee "

This is priceless...I'm thinking, though, the t-shirts should read "Free Dana Thames" (from her position in the CISE) instead. Or even "Free the Dome Gnome" for that matter!

NO QUARTER!

Date: Sep 5, 2004

If Dana Thames is freed - what will she do

? What else is she qualified to do except lead her people? The people is CISE will attest that it is her department and they are her people. I don't think she knows or minimally understands the concept of "our". My, my, my it all eventually catches up! She could go back to public school teaching, but wait - she never taught in a public school

- there was that stint at a tiny whitebread private school in Hammond LA where she was a first grade teacher for a semester and then the dean of students for another semester or two

. That completely qualifies her to lead her department. She'd be the Dean of the COEP right now if her daddy could have kept his temper in check and not attacked Glamser and Stringer.

Date: Sep 5, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: slave
"if her daddy could have kept his temper in check"

But he can't...exploit it.

Date: Sep 8, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Tiers On My Pillow
" How could one not be moved two tiers by Dana Thames' unselfish giving. We can scarcely bear the thought that she may now be unable to pay her electric bill, or fill the tank of her Lexus, or pay for Cosmopolitans at the Mahogany, or even enjoy a much needed therapeutic getaway to Cabo San Lucas. We of the USM family cannot allow one of our own to suffer so. In order to cushion any hardship brought about by Dana's gift, a "Save Dana Thames" endowment account has been established at the Bank of Mississippi. Donations will be accepted at any branch. Won't you join with us in contributing generously on her behalf? Donors contributing at the $100 level will receive a "Save Dana Thames" tee-shirt or baseball cap, $500 contributors will be honored guests at a private reception to be held at the President's home, and $1,000 benefactors will be awarded seats on the prestigious President's University Council. So please, open your hearts and checkbooks, and give to this worthy cause. Give today. Thank you for your support and understanding. Save Dana Thames Committee "

To the Save Dana Thames Committee:

I feel Dana's pain, and I'd like to help. However, consistent with my longtime belief that cash donations are crass, I'd prefer to make a donation that's non-monetary, yet sensitive to her plight. Would Dana accept used articles of clothing, canned food items, a fruitcake? If so, where might one send such donations?

I'd suggest that the Committee, following the proven Goodwill model, place "Save Dana Thames" collection boxes at high traffic locations across the USM campus, as well as throughout metropolitan Hattiesburg. As we approach this 2004 holiday season donations will likely be generous, allowing Dana to survive the bitter Mississippi winter.

AE

Date: Sep 8, 2004

quote:
Originally posted by: Cary Grant
""In the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie. There's only expedient exaggeration."
North By Northwest"

As my boss' boss once wrote:

"All this was inspired by the principle - which is quite true in itself - that in the big lie there is always a certain force of credibility; because the broad masses of a nation are always more easily corrupted in the deeper strata of their emotional nature than consciously or voluntarily; and thus in the primitive simplicity of their minds they more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters but would be ashamed to resort to large-scale falsehoods. It would never come into their heads to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously. Even though the facts which prove this to be so may be brought clearly to their minds, they will still doubt and waver and will continue to think that there may be some other explanation. For the grossly impudent lie always leaves traces behind it, even after it has been nailed down, a fact which is known to all expert liars in this world and to all who conspire together in the art of lying."

-- Mein Kampf (James Murphy translation, page 134)